


Our Summers Together are My Best Kept Secrets and My Biggest Mistakes

by CoffeesForFuckers



Category: Fall Out Boy, Peterick - Fandom
Genre: (especially for Pete), AU, Cute, F/F, F/M, Ferard, Gay, I swear, Jalex - Freeform, Joncer - Freeform, LGBT, Like, M/M, Patrick is so gay too, Peterick, Random - Freeform, Rikey, SO GAY, Summer, Summer Camp, Trohley - Freeform, and Patrick is a bit of a slut, and Pete's just as gay, brallon, but like hes not out, but like hes so open about it, definitely smut, idk - Freeform, it's gr8, joe and Andy are fucking animals!!!, so he tries to be straight, they fuck everywhere
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-10
Updated: 2017-06-16
Packaged: 2018-10-30 03:04:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 26,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10867731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoffeesForFuckers/pseuds/CoffeesForFuckers
Summary: Summers for most kids are spent going to the beach and on vacations with your family but lots are shipped off to summer camps for the whole summer.But the kids at Hempman Summer Camp actually beg to go!Patrick Stump, Andy Hurley and Joe Trohman all met there, they had all known each other for probably over a decade because of this absolutely amazing stay-away camp for kids from the ages of six to nineteen.All the kids that were there came back until they couldn't and they always had the same kids except a few new, younger, kids every year.That is until the year that the weird kid with the jet-black, dyed, black fringe and the crazy piercings and a couple tattoos joins in at the age of sixteen.That year also happens to be the same year that Patrick Stump gets gum stuck to the new emo kid's face and hair.It was love at first sight... But hate at first interaction for the blonde-haired, blue-eyed boy and the complete opposite for the new kid, Pete Wentz.





	1. One: The Gum Habit Gone Bad

##  Patrick

Summer camp was somewhere I'd always been sent for the summer, along with my brother, Kevin. Even now that I’m sixteen I still go back, it’s a happy place for me. I met my best friends there and now that I’m a counselor I get to do all the fun shit. Last year was my first year as a counselor and it was the best time ever, we went out almost every night and did the most amazing stuff. I couldn’t wait.

I’m sitting on a Stump (I know, don’t start with me) in the center of the camp, chewing gum. I only chew gum to keep myself from drumming on anything in sight with my hands or whatever else I could get my hands on, and also to keep me from bursting into song like I had some kind of tic or tourette. 

The gum had lost it’s flavor and tasted pretty damn bad but I had none left, it was stupid of me not to pick any up on the way here. I would just have to suck it up and chew on this until I could go out and buy more later tonight when everybody went out.

I feel arms thrown over my shoulders suddenly, “Hey Patty! You alright?” One of my best friends, Joe, asks. I’m taken aback and have to process what he’d said to me.

“Uhh… Yeah? Why do you ask?” I stare blankly at the boy.

“You have a weird look on your face.” He states.

“Yeah, my gum lost it’s flavor and it tastes shitty.” I shrug.

“Then spit it out, stupid.” Joe scrunches his brow.

“Can’t, this is my last piece.” I frown and Joe instantly stands up straight and pulls a fresh, unopened pack out of his back pocket.

“Here. You owe me two bucks.” He drops the pack into my lap.

“Thanks, man.” I say, pulling the two ones out of my wallet. He takes it from me gladly, shoving it in his back pocket. I turn to face away from Joe and tip my head back, spitting the gum into the air. I liked to spit it as far as I could, I always did it. The only problem with it is that I rarely pay attention to where I’m spitting it out and I end up shooting it right at some guy I’d never seen before. It splatters right onto his forehead and even gets into his hair slightly.

Joe and I freeze as he whips his head around to face me, shooting daggers at me and I am in love.

##  Pete

It’s hate at first sight. This chubby, blue-eyed, blonde-haired, hat wearing fuck. I am so ready to hit him.

I stomp over to him, fuming with rage, “You.” I hiss, pulling the mess off my head, wincing in pain as I pulled out hair in the process, “What. The. Fuck.” I snarl and he stands, trembling softly. I’m so ready to beat the hell out of this kid. The worst thing is that he’s  _ obnoxiously _ hot.

“I had nothing to do with this, dude. It was all Patrick.” The curly-haired one defends himself.

“I-I… Didn’t… I wasn’t… I’m… I… Um, I’m-I’m sorry!” The boy stammers out, I like the fear in his eyes, it made the blue pop in those glowing eyes of his.

“Are you fucking thick or something?” I growl lowly and his eyes get wider. Shit, he really  _ is _ hot. The boy shivers a bit, “How are you cold!? It’s like ninety degrees!” I practically shout.

Patrick stares at me, struggling to find an answer, “I-I… Um…” HIs blue eyes, wide and nervous.

_ Fuck _ .

He’s so  _ absurdly _ hot.

I’m so angry but at the same time I’m not? This kid is fucking with my head.

I shove him and he stumbles back, “Go get lost in the woods.” I snap and his eyes narrow, glaring deep into me.

Damn it.

I made the hot boy hate me.

##  Patrick

He storms off.

It had been  _ love  _ at first sight and now it was  _ hate  _ at first interaction.

I turn to Joe, “Who even  _ is _ that guy?” Joe shrugs.

“Beats the fuck outta me, dude.” Joe turns to watch him walk away. He sits alone on the other end of the camp.

“I hate him.” I growl.

“Don’t think many people do.” Joe speaks, “But I mean, you  _ did _ spit  _ gum _ at him, Pat.” He shrugs.

“I didn’t mean to!” I toss my hands into the air.

“You still did it, man.” He looks over at me, “I’m gonna go see, Andy.” Joe says as he walks off.

“Bye!” I wave and he holds a peace sign up in the air.

##  Joe

I wander the grounds on my own for a long while, bumping into a few friends, Spencer, Ryan, Alex, Jack… No Andy.  I was always worried about him not coming again. He lived three states over and he came here because when he was little he had lived here and loved it here. The year he moved and they put him in another camp he stopped talking and was always alone, he just wasn’t comfortable around anybody there so his parents ship him out here for the summer. Once camp is over I don’t see him until the next summer.

That’s when I spot his awkward but amazing, ginger hair from across the camp. I start to practically sprint to him from across the camp, “Andy!” I grin as I toss my arms around his shoulders from behind. He starts to laugh, grabbing onto my hand and pulling me off to a ‘secret’ place in the woods. It was a boulder just off the path. Almost ten years ago we found it when we snuck away from the groups, we climbed it and found a place all ours on the other side.

Andy pulls me up onto the top, I’d always struggled getting up there and he hopped down, helping me to the ground. As soon as my feet hit the ground, he as me pressed against the giant rock, kissing my stubbly face with his bearded one. I wrap my arms around him, tangling my fingers in his long hair. He has one hand pressed to the rock and the other around my skinny waist. 

Our mouths melt into each others, pushing back and forth against each other, fighting for dominance. I’m tilting my head up to him and his tongue is running through my mouth, mine is twisted around his to get into his mouth. I missed him so much, I missed this taste and the feel of his soft lips but rough face on mine. The only reason I had started to grow a beard was to hide the reddening of the skin around his mouth from Andy’s beard scratching at it. 

I just wanted to kiss him until my mouth was numb and raw, until it hurt and I couldn’t kiss him anymore. I hadn’t seen him since Christmas when he came to see his mom. After his dad divorced his mom, his dad took him and moved out of state. He only came here for the summer and for some school breaks.

He runs his hands up my shirt and I follow suit. No we weren’t just going to fuck… Yet. That was for tonight, right now I just needed to feel his skin and touch him as much as I could. He bites my bottom lip, pulling back a bit but pushing forward again when my lip slid from between his teeth.

I wished this never had to end.

Andy pulls back, breathing heavily, our hearts pounding. I can’t stop smiling. This first day is always the most amazing. The kissing is so needed, so lustful and loving and passionate, the feeling of him against me again. It’s always such a rush.

“I would’ve found you earlier but I went to say hi to Pat real quick and he almost got his ass kicked.” I pant and lean forward, pushing my forehead to his.

“What’d he do?” Andy asks.

“He spit gum at someone accidentally.” I laugh.

“That moron.” Andy smirks, his eyes drooped in contentment, “Who was it that he pissed off?” He mumbles, brushing his lips against mine for only a moment.

“Some guy with shitty emo hair and black eyeliner.” I shrug and Andy let out a soft  _ ‘ohh’ _ .

“That’s Pete, he just moved here like last week. I talked to him earlier, he seems really nice. He’s a bit of an ass but you’d like him. I know him and Patrick would never get along though.” Andy laughs.

“Makes sense.” I agree and kiss him again. He pulls me to the ground, me laying on top of him as we made out in the small patch of grass and flowers that grew here. It was so nice.

This was my favorite secret, the secret that only Andy and I had together. Just like our relationship.

I love our secret world.

##  Patrick

I hate him so much and now I’m stuck in a fucking dorm with him for the entire summer. If somebody doesn’t fix this soon I will either end up kill him or myself by the end of the week. The good thing is that I have Andy, Joe, Spencer and Dallon all in the same room as that other guy and myself.

I lay back on my bed, I’m kind of bored honestly, once you get to be a counselor here you don’t really have to do everything with the younger kids, you can plan stuff for yourself and friends instead of going and learning all the little kid things, being watched all the time. Tonight we were planning to get drunk without roommates and some of our other friends. It’s a ‘tradition’ almost.

I hear the door open and clank shut. I glance in the direction of the noise and in comes the emo kid.

“Ew, what the hell are you doing here?” The kid groans.

“It’s mine too, you emo shit.” I snap.

“Oh great.” He mutters under his breath, throwing his stuff onto his bed, it was right next to me as all the other bunks had been taken. This was going to be a shitty summer.


	2. Two: On the Rooftop with You

##  Pete

As the days pass over us faster than any of us liked, I made  _ friends _ , and some really cool ones too.

Not Patrick of course.

He hated me.

Me on the other hand? Nope. I have a bit of a thing for the hat boy.  He's quite adorable if I'm honest, he's small and loud as all hell. He seems to be pretty bright and bouncy all the time, it was enjoyable. 

I teased him a lot, but I don't really know how to show actual affection, that's how I show affection myself really.

It was frustrating.

Patrick rolls over in his sleep, grabbing around his bed until he gripped the sheets in his hand and pulled them to his chest, hugging them tightly. He was so cute, he always held stuff in his sleep.

Once when we were all drunk he held my hand until he fell asleep. I think that's when I noticed that this kid was making me feel things that I shouldn't.

I hear the door squeak open and someone fumbles with the door, accidentally dropping it and it clanks closed. He gasps and I can hear him get smacked.

“Do you really want to get caught?” A familiar voice chimes in a whisper, I glance over the room, Patrick's besides me, Andy’s across from him, Joe's across from me, but Jack and Alex are not in their beds. That is until the pair scurry to their beds quietly and jump into them. It was only two in the morning.

Where did those two run off too?

I would figure that out later, right now, I need sleep.

##  Patrick

I wake up around noon, earlier than normal unless somebody else wakes me. Pete's rummaging through his bag and everybody else is gone. 

I learned Pete's name after two weeks of sharing a room with him when he got sick of being called the emo kid.

I'm normally much more vulgar when referring to him though. He notices I'm awake but says nothing, continuing to do whatever.

That is until he drops his boxers.

“Whoa! What the fuck!?” I choke as I sit upright. Pete turns to face me with a confused look on his face.

“What? You've never seen a dick before?” He shrugs and tugs his shirt off his head. (Holy shit… He has a  _ really _ fucking  _ nice _ body).

I stumble out of bed and try to find something to distract myself from the sight. I was gay as fuck and let me just tell you, no man with that perfect of a body has  _ ever  _ stripped down in front of me.

I want to  _ fuck  _ the emo boy.

Nothing more, nothing less and no strings attached.

What better place than summer camp to do it?

***

“Patrick, you need to start getting up at normal times.” Joe speaks as I sit down on the ground with my food, “You missed breakfast, dude.” 

“I always do, Joe. If I wanted it bad enough I'd be up when it's being served.” I shrug, still practically shaking over what I just witnessed. 

Dallon, Spencer, Jon and Ryan all come and go in our little group with their food, striking up conversation. I'm not sure why Ryan ever really hung out with as he obviously didn't like us. He never had.

Soon enough we were joined by Pete and he had the Way brothers and Frank Iero following close behind. They all sat with us and Pete kept giving me some side glances, causing me to freeze up, I was so freaked out over it. This stupid emo kid would  _ not  _ be the one to out me.

##  Joe

I finished my food and Andy was already done. I glance over at him and he smirks back at me.

“I gotta go take a piss then I'll probably go get lost in the woods so I'll see you guys later.” I stand and start making my way off to the other side of the camp.

I notice Andy making an excuse, walking the opposite direction and into the woods. I make my way to our rock and wait for him to climb it. He takes forever but I don't really blame him. As soon as he spots me, he picks up speed and jogs over to me, pinning me to the rock and kissing me instantly.

I laugh and push him back, “Babe, we'll get caught.” I say and he shrugs at me.

“I don't care, I just want to kiss your cute face.” He mumbles and goes to kiss me again.

“If you help me over the rock we can fuck.” I wink and he is  _ instantly _ climbing over the boulder. I smirk as he lifts me up once I get to the part that I can't climb myself. 

He'll do almost anything if I bribe him with sex.

And the same goes for myself.

##  Patrick

We were all crammed into Alex’s mini-van that he only had for ‘touring’ purposes with his band. Right now, Alex, Dallon, Jack, Frank, Pete, Spencer, Gerard and I were shoved into the over-crowded car. The group of us all just had gone out to eat and were now on our way over to a pub in town to meet up with some of our older friends and counselor that were in their twenties and could drink. They chose this place because people under eighteen could go in as well but just couldn’t drink.

I wasn’t feeling the greatest but I didn’t want to ruin the fun for everybody else.

I’m stuck sitting next to Pete who has way too much energy for any person, he’s too loud and very obnoxious.

I’d still fuck him though.

I’m staring out the window, watching the world flash by me, my eyes are drooping somehow as a sudden wave of exhaustion washed over me. Even with Pete like screaming besides me (along with everybody else in the car) and the music is blaring into my ear. My eyes still just cannot stay open.

##  Pete

I’m bouncing around, ‘singing’ at the top of my lungs along with the music, everybody else doing the same (Except Alex, Dallon, Frank and Gerard can actually sing). The only person seeming to be not having any fun. I felt kind of bad.

Patrick's head suddenly falls to rest on my shoulder and I stop, my voice cutting out and movement stopping. He looked so at peace, tired and content just laying on me, fully asleep. I loved sleepy Patrick so much, he was so adorable.

My favorite thing is that he's so bloodless, not trying so hard to be a little punk boy. 

Fuck me, he's so cute…

I don't have the heart to wake him.

##  Patrick

I awake suddenly and sit upright, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. I'm dazed, unsure of where I am for a moment, quickly remember being out with all the guys. That's when I realize there's nobody else in the car, except for myself and him.

_ Pete _ .

“What are you doing?” I grumble sleepily, still rubbing my eyes with my balled fists.

“Um, we're at the place, they had me stay with you.” He sounds pissed about it but his face says otherwise.

I go to speak but he's already clamouring out of the other car door, “Well then…” 

***

The stars are really pretty tonight, so bright. I'm laid on the ledge of the roof, it was a huge space. I mean it was big enough to hold me and probably Alex or something laying side-by-side.

Pete and I could fuck on it and not have to worry.

Anyway, my hands were behind my head as a cushion and my legs were crossed one over the other. I tap my foot against the stone out of habit.

“ _ I'm just the man on the balcony, singin’ nobody will ever remember me, rejoice, rejoice and fall… to your knees _ .” I sing loudly into the bleak night, my voice trailing as I hadn't written more than that and the melody. I just continue to hum the rest.

“Whoa.” I hear a shocked and amazed gasp coming from closeby.

I jump and turn towards where the sound had come from.

_ Pete _ .

“Ugh, what do you want?” I grunt, rolling my eyes, turning to face the stars again.

“You're really,  _ really  _ good, Patrick.” Pete enthuses as he sways over the ledge, sitting a few inches from my head and tossing his legs over the edge. He starts looking up at the sky, “I thought that Alex was good but wow…” He mumbles, more to himself than anything.

“Thanks I guess…” I mutter and we sit in silence for a long while, “Why are you up here?” I finally ask.

“I got bored with all the drunk people.” He shrugs at me, “Why are  _ you  _ up here?” He glances down at me.

“Nauseous and the alcohol scent doesn’t really help that.” I look back at him, eyebrows raised.

“That sucks… Did-... You alright?” He looks back up at the sky.

“Yeah, as good as I can be when I’m stuck with  _ you  _ and feeling like shit while wanting to be in my bed.” I mutter and Pete’s shoulders slump a bit. I close my eyes momentarily and open them to find Pete staring right at me, “W-... What?” I look at him confused.

Pete leans down until my nose is touching his chin, “Is this alright, Patrick?” He breathes against my mouth. I go to nod and knock my nose into Pete’s hard-ass jaw. I grunt and mutter a  _ ‘sure’ _ .

Pete kisses me and it seems like it was supposed to be a quick peck on the lips but soon Pete was trying to stumble into a better position as well as myself.

Soon Pete’s almost straddling me as I sit up, leaning back at the pressure of him on me. He pulls me to the ground as to keep us from tumbling off the roof. He’s kissing me lustfully and I can feel his pants are tight pressed against me. I try and push my tongue past his lips, Pete seems like an amature with how sloppy he is but I also believe that he had a few drinks downstairs, enough to be more  _ ‘confidant’  _ but not so much as he wouldn’t remember this. 

He’s almost confused by how I try and use tongue but he catches on quick so I could care less. Soon the kissing moves to Pete trying to take my shirt off. I catch his hands.  _ Yes _ , I want to fuck him,  _ no,  _ I do not want my shirt off when it happens.

He pulls back from our kiss, “What’s wrong? Am I moving too fast?” He seems to worry.

“I just… I don’t want to take my shirt off if that’s cool.” I give him an anxious smile.

“Why not?” He furrows his brow.

“You wouldn’t get it, mostly because you’re not, nor have you ever been… um… fat.” I say to him and he shakes his head.

“Patrick, it doesn’t matter what  _ ‘size’  _ you are.” Pete tells me informatively.

I swallow hard, “Yeah… Uh, it does… You’ll never let it go once you see how fat I am, so can we please-”

“Whoa! I would never,  _ ever  _ make fun of someone, let alone you, for being fat… That’s just fucked up.” He defends genuinely and I smile, a real smile, at him for the first time ever.

“If you really want to…” I’m not fully sure but I feel like I can trust him with all these kinds of dirty little secrets.

##  Pete

I gently take the hem of his shirt, my heart in my throat as I pull it up over Patrick’s head. I look him over, staring in awe at his body. He wasn’t like obese like he made it sound, he had really nice collarbones and he had a somewhat chubby belly with adorable love handles, he was so perfect and I think this is truly the moment that I realized that I was going to be obsessing over this stupid blonde-haired boy forever.

He reaches for his shirt but I pull it back before he can take it, “Pete, come on, you’re staring!” He whines and I feel a bit bad.

“I’m just trying to take all of you in, Patrick.” I give him a smile, letting him remove my shirt. He pokes the tattoo above my crotch.

“What's that?” He asks me.

“Oh, Um… It’s a bat with a heart in it.” I laugh and Patrick grins, “Wanna see it better?” I smirk and he leans forward, kissing me like before. I had no idea what the fuck I was doing, I’d never done any of this before. I’d  _ ‘dated’  _ before and I’ve  _ ‘kissed’  _ but like, it’s never been anything close to this. 

Patrick gets my pants off and soon I have his off.

_ What was I doing? _

_ Fuck. _

Patrick fumbles his wallet out of his pocket, getting a condom out and looks me over reassuringly, “You ready? It’s gonna fucking hurt ‘cause I don’t have any lube or anything to um… ‘prep’ you with so I just have to pretty much go right in.” He seems worried, “If you don’t want to for that reason then we don’t have to.” I shake my head, I wanted to lose my virginity to Patrick.

“I’ll be fine, I think.” I’m visibly trembling. Patrick sits back and pulls me forward a bit, he grabs his shirt and hands it to me, “You can bite either this or me, I don’t have a preference.” He shrugs. 

He’s fucking kinky, oh lord.

“Okay, but what if I hurt you?” I ask as I move to straddle him somewhat.

“I can handle it.” He smirks, kissing my neck, I let out a soft moan and move to sit on his cock and this is probably the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced. I bite down on Patrick’s shirt and squeeze my eyes shut, “You can go slow if you need, Pete.” He mumbles into my neck.

It hurt but I am so okay with it if it’s him.

***

Patrick and I were sweaty and struggling to catch our breaths. I lean in to kiss him but he stops me, “Pete, what?” He seems confused.

“I just… I don’t know… I thought that… Uh…” I look down at the ground as I pulls my pants back on.

“This was just a one time thing, yeah? Like, no strings attached.” Patrick says and I feel like I could pass out, it was all for nothing.

“You used me?” I ask and Patrick looks kind of sorry.

“I thought that was going to be a mutual agreement. I don’t do commitment well. I mostly feel ‘quick fuck’ about everybody and never a ‘forever’.” He shrugs, “Could you please not mention his to anybody? I’m not out to anybody, like at all.” I just nod.

“Whatever makes you happy, Patrick.” 


	3. Three: I Have a Forehead Texting Me and He's Kind of Cute?

##  Dallon

I lay sprawled out across my bed, I don’t know why I can’t sleep but I’m just wired. Probably just too much coffee? I’m scrolling through my phone while Spencer, Jon and Ryan all slept. 

My phone dings with a new message and I check the notification.

_ New message from: Retrieving… _

I tap it and Kik opens.

I have one new message from someone by the name of  _ BeeboBreadbin _ . What the fuck? I’m intrigued.

**BeeboBreadbin:** _What’s your favorite animal and why?_

Who the fuck is this dude? And is he okay?

**Dal-Do:** _What is this? School??_

 **Dal-Do:** _The flamingo cause it’s gay I guess?_

This person has my full attention and I know I’m not getting any sleep tonight.

**BeeboBreadbin:** _Wtf??? Is your user a fucking play on the word dildo??_

 **BeeboBreadbin:** _Kinky_

**Dal-Do:** _ I know I am thanks _

**Dal-Do:** _ How’d you get my kik? _

**Dal-Do:** _ I’m is confuse _

**BeeboBreadbin:** _Nice Engli dude_

 **BeeboBreadbin:** _It was on tumblr and I’m bored_

 **BeeboBreadbin:** _Or should I say_

 **BeeboBreadbin:** _I’m is bored_

**Dal-Do:** _ Fuk off _

**Dal-Do:** _ You just want this dick _

**BeeboBreadbin:** _I’m not against it_

 **BeeboBreadbin:** _WHat do you look like btw?_

I contemplate showing this random guy that literally found my account on  _ Tumblr,  _ of all places, what I look like. I mean it couldn’t hurt really to just show him what I look like, but I mean... I don’t even know what I mean. I’m too tired to think.

**Dal-Do:** _ /Image Attached/ _

**Dal-Do:** _ Sorry, I was really drunk in this pic but like thats the most recent I have of just myself and it’s too dark for a good one. _

**BeeboBreadbin:** _ Def want that dick fmu _

**BeeboBreadbin:** _ Like you’re hot as fuck help _

**BeeboBreadbin:** _ /Image Attached/ _

**BeeboBreadbin:** _ Teach me ur wayz plz _

**BeeboBreadbin:** _ *Cries* _

**Dal-Do:** _ Wtf??? You’re so hot??? I’m??? Sobbing???? _

**Dal-Do:** _ Pls don’t show me ur god face anymore _

**Dal-Do:** _ So sexi _

**Dal-Do:** _ I met you like ten mins ago… I need to chill _

**Dal-Do:** _ My gay just couldn’t help but slip out _

**BeeboBreadbin:** _ Pls slip ur gay into my ass _

**BeeboBreadbin:** _ I need help _

**BeeboBreadbin:** _ Gonna go drink bleach brb _

**BeeboBreadbin:** _ Gotta go drwon the cringe _

**BeeboBreadbin:** _ Drown* _

**Dal-Do:** _ My name’s Dallon btw _

**Dal-Do:** _ I realized that rn my name is dildo and I don’t want ur hotness to think I’m a dildo _

**BeeboBreadbin:** _ I’m Brendon _

**BeeboBreadbin:** _ Not Brandon _

**BeeboBreadbin:** _ Call me Brandon and I’ll fucking cut you _

**BeeboBreadbin:** _ /Image Attached/ _

**BeeboBreadbin:** _ See _

**Dal-Do:** _ Yes, I am so scared of a forehead with a knife, /Brandon/ _

**BeeboBreadbin:** _ I’LL CUT YOU! _

**Dal-Do:** _ Sure you will _

**Dal-Do:** _ If anything you’ll want my gay inside u _

**BeeboBreadbin:** _ You right _

**BeeboBreadbin:** _ I’m always a slut for a walking dildo _

**Dal-Do:** _ I’m always a slut for a walking forehead _

**BeeboBreadbin:** _ Bitch. _

Damnit, this kid is actually really funny and he’s pretty fucking hot if I do say so myself. Even with a forehead bigger than his shitty bowl-cut, he was pretty fucking cute. Shit, what was I even thinking? I just met this kid.

##  Patrick

I felt bad, I was basically using Pete but even for someone as sloppy as him, he was really a fun person to have as a fuck buddy. He was hot as hell, rough, kinky and there were no strings attached! Perfect. 

I know it’s fucked up but I’m not out and I’m the biggest commitment phobe on the planet. Yes, I understand that I’m problematic.

For once, I’m the first one awake. It’s only about six in the morning but I was wide awake. Pete squirms in his sleep, mumbling something. He talked in his sleep a lot, most of it was just incoherent mumbles and others were clear, mostly him muttering something to his mother or a friend.

I’m on my phone, checking all my notifications and such, texting some friends and writing down some lyrics.

“Patrick.” I hear and nearly jump out of my skin, I turn to find Pete sound asleep in the nearby bed.

“Yeah?” I raise my brow.

“Lay with me.” He murmurs sleepily.

“Um, What?” I choke in utter shock, this was probably the most crazy thing he’d said.

“Please, baby?” I feel the same itch that runs through my body when I’m in a relationship and begin to get jittery, needing to get out.

“Uh, I-I’m… P-Pete? I’m- er, uh, not…” I stammer out anxiously.

His words come out incoherent now and I know I can’t keep doing this anymore…

##  Pete

I am falling madly in love with Patrick Stump.

This is  _ so  _ bad.

I knew that Patrick won’t ever love me he’s not like that. He tells me all the time, he’s not the ‘forever with you’ type, he’s the ‘hump and dump’ type. It baffles me.

He’s so careful with everybody and everything, not wanting to upset anyone and yet this little ball of happiness is the biggest fucking slut on the face of the earth.

Damn, I  _ want  _ to hate him.

But, who could hate  _ Patrick Stump _ .

##  Alex

The room was dim, light seeping in through the old smashed windows and the cracks in the old chipped wood of the abandoned wooden cabin Some light also poured in through the cracks and holes in the ceiling. The cabin was old, rotten, gross and falling to pieces but it was  _ ours _ . And that’s all that mattered.

Hs fingers run through my somewhat long hair, his forehead pushed firmly to mine, the tips of our noses brushing. Our legs were tangled around each other as we sat across from each other on the ground.

“Lex?” I can feel his warm breath caress my lips.

“Yes, boo?” I coo back softly.

“So, um… What…” He pauses, pulling his head back from mine, “What are we?”

“Alive.” I reply with a coy smile, leaning in to kiss him again but he moves back, detangling himself from me. He seems frustrated by my reply.

“You know what I mean, Alex.” He grumbles, using my full name.

“I don’t know? We’re just friends that are like… More than friends but… Less than lovers… You know?” I let out a shaky breath and an awkward frown.

“No, Alex.” He huffs, “I  _ don’t  _ know.” He stands and starts to pace, “We’re either dating or somebody's being used.” 

“It’s not like that! I just don’t want labels and people like, knowing!  I like our  _ secret _ , Jack. I love  _ this _ .” I frown sadly.

“I don’t ‘ _ love this _ ’. I want to hold your hand, kiss you, touch you, love you, wherever and whenever I can. I want to scream my love from the rooftops because,  _ I love you, Alex _ . You never say it back but I’m fucking madly in love with you and you know it, Alex.” Jack tosses his hands in the air, “I don’t want to be a dirty little secret anymore, Alexander.” I wince at him using my full-on first name.

I let out a soft sigh, “I’m not ready for that… I like how we already are…” My voice cracks with desperation.

“I’m not doing this anymore.” He shakes his head and I feel my heart start to sink, “I’m done… I want to be something that you're  _ proud _ to call yours.”

I swallow hard, “Wha-... What are you trying to say, Jacky…?” I’m trembling.

“We’re done.  _ This…  _ Is done.” He looks me dead in the eyes as he shoots his words like daggers into me. I let out a sob and then I can’t stop, shaking violently and bawling my eyes out. Jack shakes his head at my tears, turning to leave.

“I love you, Jack!” The words I’d neglected to say for so long finally spilled from me, my voice leaking emotion that spilled over the room.

“Well, you’re too late.” 

And he’s gone.

##  Dallon

I’d been talking with Brendon for about two, almost three, weeks but I already knew this kid was something special. All of my friends were extremely concerned with how attached to this random stranger I’ve become.

**BeeboBreadbin:** _ Dallon _

**BeeboBreadbin:** _ Dal _

**BeeboBreadbin:** _ Dal-Do _

**BeeboBreadbin:** _ Yo!!! Dildo!!! Fucking reply damnit!!!!!!! _

**BeeboBreadbin:** _ The forehead is gonna come stab ya ass _

**BeeboBreadbin:** _ (With this dick!!!!) _

**Dal-Do:** _ Pls do _

**BeeboBreadbin:** _ Dildo! You’re back!! _

**Dal-Do:** _ And gayer than ever!! ;) _

**BeeboBreadbin:** _ Fuckin’ gayyy _

**Dal-Do:** _ You know it _

**BeeboBreadbin:** _ Wanna see my new room decoration?? (It not for indended use btw) _

**Dal-Do:** _ Yus, send (n00ds) pls _

**BeeboBreadbin:** _ Those come later _

**BeeboBreadbin:** _ /Image Attached/ _

**Dal-Do:** _ IS THAT A /GLASS/ FUCKING DILDO!!!??? _

**BeeboBreadbin:** _ Yee! (Not for anal use I swear) _

**BeeboBreadbin:** _ I named it Dallon <3 _

**Dal-Do:** _ What an honor it is to be shoved up your ass, /Brandon/ _

**BeeboBreadbin:** _ >:( _

**BeeboBreadbin:** _ It’s decoration _

**BeeboBreadbin:** _ /Image Attached/  _

**BeeboBreadbin:** _ On tha Pianooo _

**Dal-Do:** _ Urielectric? _

**BeeboBreadbin:** _??? _

**BeeboBreadbin:** _ O shit that thing _

**BeeboBreadbin:** _ I do the musics and that’s what my studio (aka my friend’s basement) is called. _

**Dal-Do:** _ You don’t live with your fam? _

**BeeboBreadbin:** _ Nah, they kicked me out cause I’m a bi atheist _

**Dal-Do:** _ A Gaytheist? _

**BeeboBreadbin:** _ Y _

**BeeboBreadbin:** _ E _

**BeeboBreadbin:** _ S _

**Dal-Do:** _ Relatable _

**BeeboBreadbin:** _ /Image Attached/ _

**Dal-Do:** _ WHaT ArE U doInG WIth uR LEg!?!?!!????!!! _

**Dal-Do:** _ Are those leather pants!???!!! _

**Dal-Do:** _ You fuckin’ SL00TE!! _

**Dal-Do:** _ ANd ThoSE BOOtS??!! _

**Dal-Do:** _ ARE YOU A FUCKING STRIPPER??!!!???!! _

**BeeboBreadbin:** _ Only for u, boo ;) _

**Dal-Do:** _ That’s gay _

**BeeboBreadbin:** _ Yep, That’s me _

**Dal-Do:** _ THAT’S SO RAVEN!!!!!! _

**BeeboBreadbin:** _ Bitch you cheating on me with Raven Simone _

**Dal-Do:** _ We ain’t even dating tf? _

**BeeboBreadbin:** _ Damnit _

**BeeboBreadbin:** _ My Plot _

**BeeboBreadbin:** _  FOILED! _

**BeeboBreadbin:** _ *Sobbing* _

**Dal-Do:** _ That was fucking lammmmeeeeee! _

**BeeboBreadbin:** _ Just like you _

**Dal-Do:** _ /Image Attached/ _

**Dal-Do:** _ Gon fite u _

**BeeboBreadbin:** _ Ooo!! Sweati and Sexi!!! _

**Dal-Do:** _ Damn right hoe _

**Dal-Do:** _ You better fucking enjoy that pic!! _

**Dal-Do:** _ Everybody thinks I’m a psycho from running around first to get all sweaty and then taking fucking weird ass pics of myself while running. _

**BeeboBreadbin:** _ That’s hawwttt!!! _

**BeeboBreadbin:** _ I’d lick you, bro (Full Homo) _

**Dal-Do:** _ Wtf??? Lmao, you’re fucked up _

**BeeboBreadbin:** _ You rite _

**BeeboBreadbin:** _ I is _

**BeeboBreadbin:** _ Fuck I gtg, ttyl _

**Dal-Do:** _ Awe ;,( come back soon  _

I frown and toss my phone to the side. May as well go see what everybody else is doing for once.


	4. Four: Memories I Keep Locked Away for Times Like This

## Pete

“But, Patrick… I still want to do this stuff with you.” I frown at him.

“I-I… I just… I can't do- do this…” He stammers out, trembling and twitching like a drug addict having a withdrawal.

“Why not? You seemed to like it before?” I ask sadly.

“I… It's too much… I can't do it.” He stutters.

Something is obviously wrong with Patrick, he’s jumpy and can’t stand still for even a second. His eyes darting everywhere and he refuses to look at me. It looks like he just wants to run away from me.

“What made you change your mind so suddenly?” I furrow my brow.

“N-No! No, no, Pete, I-I… Um, I just, er- I… Uhh, um I-I want… I don’t-... I can’t uh…” He shakes his head, still not looking at me.

“Was it something I did?” And just by the worried, wide-eyed look on his face I could tell I was correct. He starts to stammer out a lie and I cut him off quickly, “Patrick, tell me what I did.” I demand, grabbing him by the shoulders.

“Uh… Um, I- Well… You-... You talk in your sleep sometimes and, er, you said something last night and it, um, freaked me out a bit.” He stumbles over his words and my eyes widen as I know exactly what he meant by that.

“Oh my god… Patrick, you’re afraid of commitment?” I gasp in shock.

“No!” He snaps but I give him a _‘tell me the truth’_ look, he frowns and relents, “Yes… I-I… I get this like… Itch and I-... I feel so… Trapped and like, I get twitchy and worried and I panic and I have to run away.” Patrick spills in a fast jumble of words, “Like, I only want what I can’t have and once I can have it I have to run away.” I nod. I don’t understand how anybody could feel that way but I mean, I’ve always just wanted to be in love and be loved just as much in return.

“Patrick, you’re not trapped. I won’t push for anything you don’t want. We can just be fuck buddies, we don’t have to make-out or anything, we don’t have to do anything you’re not okay with. I’m down for anything.” I say and he starts to nod.

“Isn’t that just using you though?”

“Not if it’s mutual, like in any type of relationship, everything has to go both ways.” I say and he seems to calm down.

“Okay… So, fuck buddies?” He finally looks me in the eyes.

“Fuck buddies.” I nod and he grins.

I definitely _have_ fallen in love with him.

## Gerard

“Fuck!” I gasp out as I fall to the ground, Frank on top of me. He thought it was a good idea to just jump onto my back without saying anything before he did so.

“Sorry Gee!” He giggles as he flops off of me onto the ground.

“You’re an asshole, you know.” I huff, sitting up, now covered in grass and dirt.

“Yep.” He grins, brushing the small splotch of dirt off my forehead and raking the grass out of my long, black locks. He laughs as he does so.

“I hate you.” I roll my eyes and he tosses his arms around my shoulders, shoving his face up against mine.

“I love you too!” He kisses my cheek and I make a face. A girl passing by lets out an _‘awe!’_ as they usually did.

“We’re not gay!” I call after her, “You’re ruining my chances of getting dates you fucking lesbian.” I groan but he still hangs off of me.

“We’re not gay we just do gay shit together, Gee.” He smiles up at me.

“You’re definitely gay, Frank.” I retort and he gives me a horrified look.

“Say that again and I’ll fuck you in the ass.” Frank drops his arms from me and I laugh at him. He’s a moron but you gotta love him, he’s so small and adorable.

“Shut up you loser.” I give him a nudge and he grins wide as he stands, offering a hand to me to help me up, “Thanks.” I chuckle.

“You’re welcome.” He winks and I make a face in reply.

God, he’s an idiot.

## Andy

Joe squeezes my hips in his large hands from behind. I jump and let out a small squeak-like sound and I hear Joe laughing. I turn to face him, “We could get caught if you keep doing shit like that around people you know.” I scold and he still grins.

“I do that to Patrick a lot too, Andy, don’t worry. I’m gay with like everybody and I’m way gayer with you.” He winks and I roll my eyes as his cheesiness.

“Idiot.” I smile at him, there’s just something about Joe that makes it impossible to be angry with him and he always makes me smile. I’ve known since we were still little, only eight, sneaking little kisses when the others weren’t watching, playing with each other’s hair and hiding this childish crush from the world, knowing it was wrong and we shouldn’t be doing it. We did it anyway and now I know that someday we’ll stop sneaking those kisses and those small little things, the passing touches, brushing of hands, the loving looks and longing to be close. Someday I’ll marry Joseph Trohman and I’ll tell everybody how much I don’t care that it’s ‘wrong’ to them. To me, this is the only thing that I have done right in all of the years I’ve lived.

“What?” Joe smiles up at me and that’s when I realize I’m staring.

“Just thinking.” I grin back, staring into his eyes, full of love.

He takes my hand as soon as we’re out of sight, “What about?”

“You… Me… Us… ” I shrug as my head tips to bump against his shoulder.

“What about me?” He asks, tapping his head to mine for a second.

“How, I’m going to marry you someday.” I smile and I can just feel the happiness radiate off of him. He kisses the side of my head.

“I can’t wait.” He sighs and pulls his arm around me, tugging me closer, “We were only eight when we tried this, it was just for fun, an experiment.” He speaks, “And now we’re talking about marriage.” He coos dreamily.

I start to laugh, “I remember knowing how wrong it was to be sneaking off to kiss you and how bad, yet amazing it felt to be touching and playing with each other’s hair.” I recall, “Remember that night I braided your hair and everybody kept asking who did it because they wanted it done too but you wouldn’t tell?”

Joe starts laughing as the memories flooded back, “And that time we were kissing on the tire swing in the middle of the night and you fell off and broke your arm and you wouldn’t let me get help until we came up with a mutual lie to tell the counselors of why we were out on the swings so late at night.” I laugh this time at that memory, he kissed me so hard that I lost my balance and fell off.

“What about when we were fucking in the lake and a counselor spotted me and not you and you almost drowned waiting for her to leave.” Joe and I make our way to the boulder.

“And the time I told you jump off the top of the boulder because it would be romantic if I caught you?”

“You broke your leg and I had to carry you back to camp.”

“Then you felt bad about my leg and came down to the infirmary in the middle of the night and we fucked.”

“And the nurse almost caught us because you were hooked up to the heart monitor.” I shake my head as he pulls me up onto the boulder.

“What about that time you brought me out here to dump me but we ended up having sex and you basically said never mind?” Joe sits against the large rock and I pull him against me.

“I remember when my family told me I was moving, I brought you out here and told you and we both cried and I suggested we break up but you refused to let this go and you came to visit for Christmas and begged my parents to let me come back to camp.” I run my fingers through his hair.

“I laid my head in your lap and you played with it just like this.” He reaches up and touches my hand.

“I love you, Joe.” I mumble.

“I love you too, Andy.” He squeezes my hand and closes his eyes.

“I promise someday that we’ll be together everyday.”

“You better not break that promise.”

“Never.”

## Dallon

I lay in my room with Spencer and Jon making out in the bed across from mine. They were so gross. I was just jealous though. I was, as always texting with Brendon. He made me happy.

 **Dal-Do:** _So you’re telling me that you’ve never had a serious relationship with a dude?_

 **Dal-Do:** _You’re a fake gay_

 **BeeboBreadbin:** _You’re a fake gay asshole_

 **BeeboBreadbin:** _At least I’ve /dated/ in general before you fuckin’ nerd_

 **Dal-Do:** _Excuse me, I will fight you_

 **Dal-Do:** _Don’t make me come kick your ass_

 **BeeboBreadbin:** _Don’t kick it_

 **BeeboBreadbin:** _Kiss it_

 **BeeboBreadbin:** _(Use tongue)_

 **Dal-Do:** _You sir, are fucking disgusting_

 **Dal-Do:** _I eat dick_

 **Dal-Do:** _Not ass_

 **BeeboBreadbin:** _I’ll take what I can get my dude_

 **Dal-Do:** _Kinky_

 **BeeboBreadbin:** _You know it ;)_

 **Dal-Do:** _/Image Attached/_

 **Dal-Do:** _Pls send help_

 **Dal-Do:** _They're making me gay with their gay_

 **Dal-Do:** _I think Spencer (bottom) is trying to eat Jon (Top)_

 **BeeboBreadbin:** _Damn that's kinky_

 **BeeboBreadbin:** _I'll come make out with u like that ;))_

 **Dal-Do:** _I'll pass?_

 **BeeboBreadbin:** _Ow my Hart_

 **Dal-Do:** _Chill_

 **BeeboBreadbin:** _You made me cri r u happi now_

 **Dal-Do:** _Yee_

 **Dal-Do:** _But um, I wanna ask you something kina crazy_

 **BeeboBreadbin:** _Yes, Dallon I will marry you_

 **Dal-Do:** _No not that fuck off_

 **Dal-Do:** _So like I go to this camp for the whole summer and people from the ages 15 and up are counselors and everybody 16 and up can pretty much do whatever they want and shit and we stay here for like the entire summer, like day and night and I wanted you to come next summer…_

 **BeeboBreadbin:** _Jesus Christmas, that's a fucking paragraph_

 **BeeboBreadbin:** _But like where you from?_

 **Dal-Do:** _Chicago, Illinois_

 **BeeboBreadbin:** _Fuck man I'm from Vegas_

 **BeeboBreadbin:** _But like if I payed for the way there I'm sure it would be fine?_

 **Dal-Do:** _Wait like for real?_

 **Dal-Do:** _You’d actually fly out here for a whole summer???_

 **Dal-Do:** _Just the meet me?_

 **BeeboBreadbin:** _Fuck yeah!!!_

 **BeeboBreadbin:** _I get one free make-out from them dick-suckin’ lips of urs  tho_

 **BeeboBreadbin:** _The actual dick sucking comes later_

 **Dal-Do:** _kiNkYYYYYYY_

 **BeeboBreadbin:** _Go kinky or go home my d00d_

I can't help but to smile. This kid fucks me up so much, I think I'm in love with him. I truly think that I've fallen in love with this stupid, kinky-ass, walking forehead.


	5. Five: Crying into the Void That is You

##  Joe

The summer’s coming to a close and I wasn’t ready to watch Andy leave again. It was almost a form of torture in my opinion, I just wanted to kiss him forever and never let him go.  We only have a week left together.

I have my arms wrapped around him in a tight grip, my face is pushed into the crook of his neck, breathing in his warm scent as I sit on him, my legs wrapped around his waist. I never want this to end.

“I don’t want to leave.” Andy breathes ever so softly.

“Then stay here with me…  _ Please _ , Andy… Don’t leave me.” I hug him tighter and he sucks in a shaky breath.

“You know that I would if I could, Joe.” He mumbles as he presses his face into my bushy hair.

“Please don’t leave.” I beg even harder as I blink back the tears that well in my eyes at the thought of watching him board that plane back home.

“I want to… You know that I want to and if it were up to me I would never leave your side again… I just want you to be happy but I can’t… I’m so sorry, Sunshine.” And that’s when I crack and let the tears fall freely, hearing him call me such sweet things when I know that he’s hurting so badly. Every year this happens and every year he suggests breaking up because he ‘can’t’ make me happy, “No, baby, please don’t cry…” He holds me closer, rubbing my back and kissing my head softly.

“I just love you so much, Bean.” I whimper, crying so hard I can barely catch my breath.

“I love you too, Pumpkin, so, so much.” I feel the side of my head growing wet, Andy was crying too…

I always had this deep ache in my chest as the days lessened, this want to just scream and cry, throw a tantrum until I got what I wanted. Deep down I  _ was _ that screaming child, pitching a hissy-fit over that toy that I was denied in the store. Only that  _ ‘toy’ _ was more than  _ just _ a toy to me, I needed it, I craved it and it hurt not to have it. I couldn’t scream, all that came was whispers, begging and pleading with him to never leave.

We stay there, holding onto each other as if we let go the other would disappear, mumbling soft ‘I love you’s that meant more than just I love you, each word bled emotion, sadness, lust, passion, and everything inbetween. I held onto each syllable as if it were the last time I’d ever hear those words.

I was so afraid to lose him to someone new.

Something better because I knew that almost anything was better than me.

##  Pete

“Mikey… What if Ray didn’t love you and he like, hate you but you loved him?” I mutter from where I lay sprawled out on the floor of his cabin.

“Uh… What?” He narrows his eyes at me through his glasses that made him look kind of like a lesbian.

“What if Ray didn’t love you, what if he had hated you but you like, loved him a lot and wanted to date him?” I repeat.

“Um, I dunno… Like I would just try harder and be nicer to him I guess?” He shrugs, still confused.

“But like he’s afraid of commitment and won’t date you because of that.” I add.

“Okay, Pete, what the fuck is going on here?” He looks down at me sternly, He looks at me like I’ve lost my fucking mind.

“So, like… I’m in love with Patrick…” I admit.

“Stump!?” Mikey bolts upright as he hears my words. 

“Yeah… But like he hates me and also is petrified of commitment, like so much so that he’s never dated anybody before, he just fucks people all the time.” I huff and Mikey looks like he’s going to pass out.

“Dude, he’s straight.” Mikey says in awe.

“What?!” I shoot upward, sitting up and looking at Mikey, choking on my own spit.

“I saw him like two days ago swapping spit with some random-ass chick in the middle of the camp, like in that little park area.” He says and I jump to my feet.

“I gotta go. Do  _ not _ tell anybody about this conversation.” I shout and point at him as I dash out the door of his cabin, stomping back to my own, pissed beyond comprehension.

I throw the door open and spot Alex sitting on his bed, “Where’s Patrick?” I demand and he glances up from his phone.

“Huh?” He hums.

“Where the fuck is Patrick?” I growl and he shrugs.

“I don’t know, man. He’s probably out in the camp somewhere.” Alex says and I let out a frustrated groan as I rush out, then I remember the tree he says he likes to sit in. He brought me there and we fucked up on one of the branches. I storm towards the place out in the woods and low and behold, Patrick’s up in the trees with a notebook and pen, singing to himself.

“Patrick!” I shout and he fumbles with the pen and paper and end up dropping them to catch himself from falling.

“What’s up?” He trembles, gripping the branch.

“Get the fuck down here right now!” I snap and he jumps at the harshness of my tone, nodding as he clambered out of the tree. He was most definitely flustered.

“What’s wrong?” He asks as he reaches the ground. I grab him by the collar of his shirt and slam him back against the tree and he looks shocked.

“You’re a fucking liar.” I hiss at him, “Everything you’ve said to me is a fucking lie! That’s the fucking problem.” I snap and he looks thoroughly confused.

“What are you talking about?” He asks innocently. Innocent my ass.

“You know what I mean! You’re fucking making out with girls even though you tell me all the time that you’re gay and that girls disgust you! You also said that you weren’t fucking with anybody either you dick!” I shout and he looks worried, he’s shaking.

“Pete, please stop yelling.” He pleads.

“Why should I you fucking liar!” I snap again and slam him harder into the tree, he flinches as tears well in his eyes.

“Stop!” He shouts as tears dribble down his face and he grabs onto my arm, trying to take the force off of himself, “You’re hurting me!” My grip falters and I drop him, he starts to sob and he sinks to the ground.

I stumble back as I realize what I did, “Did-... Are you hurt?” I ask dropping to kneel in front of Patrick, “I-I… Patrick I’m sorry… I just… I got angry. You lied to me and I trusted you.”

“I didn’t lie!” He shouts as his head whips up, he stares into my eyes, hiccuping as he still bawled, “I had to kiss her, Pete! I have to fake who I am! I’m not as fucking privileged as you and I can’t just love whoever. I can’t afford to be kicked out and I know if they don’t do that then I’ll never be allowed to leave the house again, or come here, I’ll be sent to conversation therapy or to those ‘pray the gay away’ camps.” He sobs harder and I feel my chest ache. I can’t stop myself from pulling my arms around him.

“I’m sorry, Patrick… I’m sorry.” I breathe as I rub his back, his arms go around me in return as his sobs echo out in the silent woods. He buries his face into my chest to hush the noise erupting from him.

I pull him more into my chest, holding him tight and he didn't move away, just clinging to me like a defenseless, injured and frightened dog. 

“I don't wanna live like this, Pete.” He cries and my heart breaks, “I don't want to feel like this… Why couldn't I have been born normal?” He turns to look up at me with his bright blue eyes that glistened with tears. That makes me start to cry too… I ask myself that same question every single damn day.

“You aren't normal, Patrick, for a reason. You're special. You're perfect and normal people aren't.” I sniffle pulling him more against me.

“I'm fucked up! I like boys and I want to kiss only boys and have sex with boys. I don't want to date because it scares me. I'm scared and alone Pete, I'm so scared…” He bawls and I feel horrible and I just want to squeeze him tight and never let go. I want to protect him.

“You're not fucked up.  _ I'm  _ fucked up.” I lean in and kiss him, “I'm in love with boys too, Patrick but my problem is that I'm fucked up so bad that nobody wants me. I've been to the gay camps and the conversation therapies. I had to live with my aunt for a while and she sent me to them, I'm broken and nobody wants anything that's broken.” I kiss his forehead.

Patrick looks at me, “I would want you if I could want people, Pete. You'd be a good boyfriend, you're a good person. I just  _ can't  _ love.” He sighs, “If nobody wants anything that's broken, Pete, then why do you want me?”

“You're not broken, just bent.” I smile.

“Isn't that a song lyric.”

“You caught me.” I smile wider and he giggles softly, falling against me.

“Thank you, Pete.” He murmurs against me.

“No, thank you, Patrick.” I mumble back and rest my head atop his.

“I'll be seeing you around right?” Patrick breathes.

“Of course you will, you can't get rid of me this easy.” That makes him smile contently and I can tell he's starting to fall asleep. I play with his hair until he does drift off and I carry him back to the cabin.

That was the best summer I'd ever had.


	6. Six: A New Year and a New Us and Some New Friends

##  Patrick

Another school year come and gone, one more year left of school and camp… I'm alright with school being done but I can't believe that next year will be our last summer here. 

I'm sitting where I do every year, waiting for my friends to show up. I feel an arm lock around my shoulders and a hand ruffling my hair.

“First day back at camp!” Pete shouts excitedly. I shove him off of me.

“Get off me, jeez.” I grunt and Pete drops to sit on the ground beside the Stump I was on.

“We met in this very spot last summer, Pat!” He bumps my arm with his head.

“Yep.” I blow a bubble with my gum and Pete pops it, “Dick.” I mutter as I peel the goop off my face.

“Pete! Patrick!” Andy jogs towards us, “Have you seen Joe?” He pants, it looks like he ran all the way here.

“Nope, sorry Andy. Did you check the cabin?” I reply.

“Not yet, thanks though. Talk soon!” He runs off and both Pete and I give each other a look.

“Weird.” We say in unison and Pete laughs with a grin on his face.

“Jack and Alex moved into cabin A with Rian and Zach this year. It's just You, Joe, Andy and I.” I inform and he shrugs.

“That sucks but oh well.” Pete shrugs at me, “Wanna go on an adventure?” He winks, making me laugh.

“Sure, where to?” I ask.

“The tree?” He suggests and I stand, he grins and we're off to a woods.

##  Dallon

By midnight I'd given up on the idea of Brendon showing up even when he'd promised he'd come.

My phone buzzes with a new message as I'm typing to him.

**BeeboBreadbin** :  _ Fuck I just got this, I haven't had much battery and shut my phone off _

**BeeboBreadbin:** _ I'm lost, I'm so sorry fuckkk _

**Dal-Do:** _ Send me your location, I'm on my way to Pick u up rn _

**BeeboBreadbin:** _ I'm sorryyyyyyy!!! _

I stumble around, getting dressed and ready to head out I surprisingly didn’t wake anybody even while bumbling around like an elephant in a glass shop.

I walk out to my car and jump in, still waiting for Brendon to send me the location of where he’s at. I start it up and pull out of my parking space, starting the long as hell drive down the path through the woods. It took about twenty minutes to reach the road.

I’m probably ten minutes down the path when I notice a figure by the edge of the road about a mile up and I’m very confused. I slow down as I approach it come to a stop probably a bit more than a half-mile from whatever it was. I check my phone and see the location and look up once more. That’s when I realize what that figure was and I burst into hysterical laughter as I see that idiot sitting on his bag with a few others around him. I throw my door open and my loud cackling echos through the silent, pitch-black evening. Brendon jumps up and that’s when he notices its me, he runs towards me and throws himself onto me, both of us hitting the ground.

“Dal-do!” He shouts, his voice was just as gorgeous as him.

“Forehead!” I laugh at him and he smacks my arm playfully, “You complete idiot! How long have you been walking!?”

“The uber driver dropped me off like a mile or so from here and so I’ve been walking for a while and then I thought I had the wrong place cause this road was so long.” He frowns and I smile at him, sitting up and pushing him off me even though it felt really nice.

“Get your shit, put it in my car and I’ll bring you to camp.” Brendon jumps up and grabs his stuff, I help carry it to the car. He’d brought a whole lot of stuff.

We drive back to the car park and lug his stuff to the cabin. He was so tiny, I always expected him to be taller, then again, I am practically a giant. We get to the cabin and everybody is now awake. Spencer and Jon doing their thing off in the corner and Ryan had just gotten in.

Brendon spots Ryan and as soon as Ryan waves at him and throws him a smile, I know I lost him.

“I’m Brendon, Dallon’s friend.” He sticks his hand out to Ryan who smiles softly.

Shit.

“I’m Ryan, not so much Dallon’s friend. Not so much any of these loser’s friends.” Ryan mutters and takes Brendon’s hand.

“That’s kinda mean, dude. Dallon’s really nice and funny and he talks about Spencer and Jon a lot and they’re really nice too from what I know.” Brendon frowns.

“Well, I’m a bitch.” Ryan shrugs, “But I can’t say that I don’t like you.” He looks Brendon over.

“Fuck off Ryan.” I snap.

“What? I can’t make friends?” He glares at me.

“I’m going to bed.”

##  Alex

I lay awake, I can’t sleep. Jack can, but he’s restless. I wish I could comfort him, just climb into the bed with him and hold him. I miss him so much but he seems to be fine without me around. He ignores me and pretends I don’t exist whenever I try to talk to him.

This time he won’t I decide and slip out of my bed, leaning over Jack’s, shaking him until he’s awake, “What? What’s wrong? What happened?” He slurs, sitting upright and looking around. His eyes land on me and he frowns angrily.

“Jack…” I whisper, “Come with me.”

“No way in hell, Alex.” He snaps.

“Please…” I beg softly.

“Fuck off, Alex.” He grunts, going to lie back but I grab him.

“Jack, I’m begging you, please just come with me.” I speak desperately and he lets out an agrivated huff, relenting to my begging and pleading.

“Fine.” He mutters, getting up and going over to the closet of bags to grab clothes.

“No, just come, no need to get dressed.” I grab his arm and he pulls away.

“I’m putting on a shirt at least.” He glares at me for a moment. I wouldn’t mind looking at him like this though, he’s got a great body.

“Okay…” I murmur. It takes forever for him to find the thing he wanted to wear. Always so picky. This was also why he was always late.

I tug him out into the evening and he shivers so I give him my jacket. He takes it to my surprise.

“Jack, I want to try again. This time no secrets, no lies. I love you and I want everybody to know because I am proud to be yours, to be called yours. I love you so much, Jack and it’s hell without you, please just let me try again.” I beg.

“You said this last time, Alex. You then went back on your word not even a week later.” Jack crosses his arms, “So, no. Not until you can prove to me that you’re not lying.”

I had a mission and Alex Gaskarth never turns down a challenge.

***

The next morning I’m actually up in time for breakfast. I sit with Dallon, Jon, Spencer, Rian, Zach and Mikey, Jack sits as far away from our group as possible, sitting with the weird, wanna-be emo kids.

“You’re up early, ‘Lex.” Zach smiles at me. Usually I missed breakfast from my long sleeping habits.

“Yeah, I just couldn’t really sleep.” I shrug sleepily. It wasn’t a complete lie.

“You okay?” He asks and I shrug again.

“I-... I have to do something.” I stand up and everybody expects me to leave, looking at me like I was crazy when I jumped up onto the table, everybody around us that noticed also watched me weirdly, “I have an announcement to make if I can have your attention for a moment!” I call out, shaking with nerves.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Dallon whisper/yelled at me as everybody turned to watch me but my eyes were fixated on Jack who didn’t even bat an eye at me and continued talking to some guy at his table.

“Can I have  _ everybody’s  _ attention please!” I repeat and he still doesn’t move, “I just have to prove a point to somebody in here… Last summer I finally got up the balls to ask out the person I’ve been in love with for my entire life but it was ended because I was an asshole and wanted to keep ‘us’ a secret. I just want to say that I’m not keeping secrets anymore. I love Jack Barakat and I want you to please, please take me back.” I say loudly and hear a few gasps but Now Jack was on his face, his eyes wide at my statement. He jumps up onto his table and I roll my eyes, always making it a competition.

He points at me, “Alex Gaskarth, you sure do have some balls doing something this crazy! I can’t say no to crazy like that!” He starts to smile at me and I smile back. The room is silent and it’s so awkward, both of us just standing there, staring at each other with everybody else staring at us, “That’s a yes by the way.” He chuckles as he hops off the table and I do as well, there are some cheers but mostly nobody cares . Jack is over to my table before I even touch the floor again and he’s hugging me in a bone crushing hug that I melted into.

“You had to make a scene for that?” Rian points out.

“Yeah like couldn’t y’all just kiss a bit and be done with it.” Zach chuckles. 

“Leave them alone.” Mikey smiles, “Let them have their moment and ridicule them at the wedding.”

I roll my eyes and kiss Jack passionately. I missed that sweet taste of his. He always tasted like candy with a hint of Jack Daniels, he also smelled like chocolate and Jack Daniels too. He had a thing for candy and alcohol.

“Ew, no kissing in my lobby.” Groans Gerard as he approached our table.

“You're just salty cause the only person that would ever kiss you like that is a dude.” Mikey retorts, looking up at his brother from his phone. 

“Fuck you.” He mutters, sitting down at the table.

##  Gerard

Mikey let's out a soft snort at my reply, “Frank would.” 

“Oh my fucking Christ, shut the fuck up Mikey.” I groan, Frank definitely was  _ not _ into me, he was dating some girl and they were all over each other whenever I saw them together. Nobody ever believed me when I said that I was straight and so was Frank. Well I mean, I was lying, I'm bi but nobody needs to know that. 

Even though I was bi I would never date Frank. Not in a million years.

“Gerard, I think you may need glasses more than me.” He mutters and turns to glance up at me from his lesbian-librarian glasses.

“Fuck you, Mikey.” I grunt.

“Fr-”

“Say it and this fork will be in your neck.” I hiss, not even looking up at him.

“Gee’s in a bad mood today.” Jack ruffles my hair and I glare up at him.

“Gee!” I hear Frank's voice echo out and I instantly groan, gripping my fork tighter in my hand, “Hey, Boo!” He giggles and kisses my neck.

“Fuck off, Frank.” I mutter through gritted teeth.

“Fucking hell… You're pissy today.” He grumbles, pulling away from me. I was being a bitch, I can admit but I mean, can you blame me? I was being harassed.

Frank sits next to me and pulls an envelope out of his pocket, dropping it on the table in front of me. I pick it up and open it, pulling out the contents. 

“Whoa!” I choke and drop the papers onto the table, “Fucking  _ Sleeping With Sirens  _ tickets! Are you for real!? These have been sold out for months!” I shout, “You lucky bastard!”

“Happy late birthday, Gee! Very late but I just got them.” Frank grins at me.

“These are for me?” I ask him, my voice cracking.

“Yep, I have to let you know that I got you meet and greets but the passes aren't here yet. They should be here next week.” He smiles at me.

“Holy shit… Frank, why did you do this?” 

“I don't know, you're my best friend and you love them and deserve to see them.” He shrugs, “That girl you like is into them too right? You should bring her!” Frank genuinely was the sweetest person ever.

“What? No, you're coming with me, Dumbass!” The look of shock that crosses his face is surprising.

“Really?”

“You bought them you nit, of course you're coming!” I smile at him and he hugs me.

He's too touchy.

##  Brendon

Ryan and I were super close. Well, dating really. The first few weeks were great but Ryan has been more impatient and temperamental. He hates when I talk to Dallon... or anybody for that matter. He was too jealous for me and I was beginning to be miserable.


	7. Seven: Abandoning You Was My Worst Mistake but Somehow You're Still There For Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning for this chapter, it gets graphic

## Brendon

“Why'd you bring me all the way out here, Beeb?” Ryan asks me as he lays back in the empty field of grass.

“I wanted this to be… Um, private.” I wring my hands and he looks up at me.

“Ooh, scandalous.” He chuckles.

“Not really…” I murmur, “Um… Ryan…” I sit down near him and he sits up.

“What is it?” He looks angry and I'm tense, afraid he'd hit me.

“We've been together for almost two months… And I've really… thought about it and I… I don't want to be with you anymore… I'm sorry, I just can't do this right now…” I frown and he glares at me.

“I love you, Brendon.” He sounds mad, “And you do _this_ to me!?” He snaps and I flinch back.

“I care about you, Ryan… I want to be friends-”

“Well, I want you. Not fucking friends!” I wince at how loud he is.

“Ryan, I'm not ready for a relationship. I'm really sorry.” I mumble, I truly just wanted my life back.

“You fucking liar!” He slams me down onto my back and I let out a yelp in pain.

“Ow! Ryan!” I shove him back but he just gets angrier with me and he hits me.

He kisses me and I struggle, pushing him and trying to get free of his mouth and touch.

He holds me down with his body and tries to pin my arms down with his hands. I manage to push him back, “Stop, Ryan! What the fuck!? Stop!” I shout and he slams me back down to the ground.

“Shut up.” He mutters and continues kissing me. I struggle harder but he's so much stronger than me somehow. He's too forceful.

I shove him off of me and try to get to my feet, stumbling with the quick movements and soon my feet were swept out from under me and I hit the ground face first, I can tell my nose is bleeding from the force it had slammed into the ground and the pain in its place.

That's when I began to panic, I can't fight back in the position. I cry out as I feel his hands sliding my pants down, I kick my and try to fight against him but I can’t get him off of me.

He get’s my clothes off and I know this is it. I struggle harder but it’s no use, he enters me and it burns. It hurts so badly that I instantly start to cry, sobbing and shouting into Ryan’s hand that’s pressed to my mouth as he kisses my neck.

“I love you, that’s why I’m doing this Brendon.” He mumbles, “I have to show you I love you.” His voice is low and his words make me feel sick, “Fuck, I love you so much, baby.” He pants and I want to escape. I stop struggling, fighting, moving and if I could, I would stop breathing.

I ran away in my head until it was over, he did whatever he wanted to do to me and I did nothing to stop him. It was my fault for not fighting hard enough against him, my fault for bringing him out here, my fault…

I get my clothes on once hes gone and lay curled up on the ground for a long time, shaking and crying. Why did it happen? Why did I let him do that to me? Why?

_Why me?_

## Dallon

I sit on my bed, typing away to one of my internet friends about how much of a douche Ryan is for stealing my man. I hear the door creak open and clank shut followed by a yelp. I look up to find Brendon shivering like crazy and in tears. I instantly jump up and hurry to his aid.

“What happened? Oh my god your nose! Are you okay?” I panic as I reach out to touch him but he recoils.

“Don’t…” He hiccups, trembling so hard I’m surprised he can even stand, “Dallon…” He cries and I feel every bit of me break, wanting to just grab him and never let go.

“What’s wrong? Brendon, what’s going on with you?” I ask him and he cries even harder.

“Can we go somewhere more private please?” He begs through heavy tears.

“Of course… Where to? The woods?” His whole body tenses at the last word and he cries harder somehow, “Okay, let’s go for a car ride then, we can talk in there.” He sniffles and nods. I worry that he won’t be able to make it to the car and he won’t let me touch him so I won’t be able to help him.

He surprisingly does manage to stagger to my car, almost collapsing a couple times. I feel awful for him.

## Brendon

I get into the car, it was a struggle just to get out of the woods let alone to Dallon’s car. Everything hurt.

I clammer into the front seat and Dallon slides into the drivers seat soon after. He says nothing, just starting the car and pulling out of the lot and starting the twenty minute drive down the long dirt path.

“You don’t have to tell me what happened if you really don’t want to, you can tell me anything, whenever you’re ready you can talk to me.” Dallon’s soft words soothe me even though I still feel like I could throw up. I want him to hold me so badly but my body won’t let me, it hurts and my mind is fucking scared while my heart is violently in love with Dallon and suddenly realizing it made a huge mistake. I mean, of course I realized that I was in love with Dallon a while ago but I was tricked into something else on a whim. All of this was my fault for falling into his trap.

He was abusive and I was too blind to see it. Then again I kind of deserved it I guess.

“Thank you.” I mumble after a bit, “Just to let you know I feel really sick.” I warned.

“Do you need me to pull over?” He asks kindly and I begin to shake my head.

“No, I just wanted to make sure you knew.” I half smile up at him. I was drained and struggling to keep myself awake. I probably should sleep but I wanted to tell Dallon what had happened.

“Okay, as long as you’re alright.” He gives me a sad half-grin in reply.

“Dallon… So like… I want to tell you what happened…”I say and he glances over to me.

“Talk your time, Brendon.” He coos, making me smile at his pacience.

“So, I-I… I broke up with Ryan today…” I pause for a moment and Dallon nods, “He got mad and was all… He-... Ryan started yelling... And he was, um… He got really mad.” I start shaking again.

“It’s okay, Bren, take your time, don’t push yourself.” He goes to touch my leg but he pulls back quickly.

I suck in a shaky breath, “He started kissing me and I didn’t want him to and-... And… He hit me and he-... He kept doing it… I told him not to but he kept kissing me and hitting me… But I-I… I pushed him off and I tried to get away but I stumbled and he grabbed my legs and pulled me back down. I fell f-... Face first into… Into the ground… I-... He… Dallon…” I mumble as I start to cry again, “Ryan… He-... He raped me…” I start to bawl and the car slams to a stop.

“He what!?” Dallon shouts and causes me to flinch, “Fuck, I’m sorry, Brendon… Oh my god… Fuck, I’m sorry… I swear if I see that little fucker I’m going to rip his fucking-”

“Dallon, no.” I whimper, “He can’t know that I told.”

“He won’t know, I’ll just beat his ass and not say why.” Dallon looks at me sadly, “You have to tell somebody.” He mumbles.

“I can’t…” I breathe, “It’s my fault, Dal…” I sigh and he starts to shake his head.

“Brendon, _none_ of this is your fault. Don’t you dare blame yourself.” He speaks sternly.

“It is-”

“No.” Dallon insists, “Ryan did something that was not called for. It’s disgusting and wrong of him.” He says and I start crying even harder again.

“He said he did it because he loved me! ‘ _I love you, Brendon! I have to do this!_ ’ Why? Why, Dallon!?” I choke and sputter, Dallon looks like he wants to just hold me forever, “If he loved me then why? Dallon, why? Why did it have to be me?” I cough.

# Dallon

He’s sobbing, begging me for an answer to something that I couldn’t answer. I just wanted to hold him and protect him. I felt horrible.

Brendon tossed the car door open and leaned out of it to throw up. I reach over to rub his back but recoil, I just want to comfort him. I understand why he doesn’t want me to touch him, I would be so much worse than him if it had been me, he’s doing so… Good? Like, I don’t mean it as he’s fine but he’s strong, that’s what I meant.

He falls back into his seat and closes the door, pulling himself into the seat, curling up into a tiny ball.

“Dallon… I’m sorry.” His voice is small, just like him right now, “I want to be held, I want _you_ to hold me… I trust you but… But my body won’t let me.” He shakes his head.

“It’s okay, Beeb, I understand.” I coo and he grabs my hand, placing it on his leg, he’s trembling but he holds it there. I’m truly proud of him.

“If I make all the moves maybe I’ll be less scared.” He says and suddenly climbs into my lap. His whole body is shaking harder than a dog in a thunder storm, I feel awful.

“Don’t, Brendon, you’re pushing yourself too hard, too soon.” I say, but he refuses and leans against me, pulling my arms around himself, “Brendon, stop. You’re going to make yourself have a panic attack.” I try and remove my arms but he pushes them back around him.

“If I don’t push myself how will I ever get any better!?” He snaps in tears again.

“I know but you don’t have to go so fast. Go slower and ease yourself into it.” I hum but he just won’t listen, as always.

“No. Fuck you, I’m making myself better as fast as I can.” He refuses and I sigh.

“Okay, but don’t force yourself, please.” I mumble as he presses himself into me, “I still think it would be best if we moved cabins. Cabin F has openings, we both can move, plus Cabin P sucks anyway, no more Spencer and Jon fucking in the room all night.” I hear Brendon chuckle into my chest.

“I’m okay with that, I like Patrick and stuff too.” I smile at his voice.

“You’re going to have to sit in your own seat if we’re going to be moving anywhere.” He smiles and moves back to his seat.

“Let’s go adventure first.”


	8. Eight: A Meal For Two, A Car Ride For The Damned and A Love To Fool Them All.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I changed the band that their seeing to Sleeping With Sirens

## Pete

Having Dallon and Brendon as roommates was quite an experience. Brendon was a bit stand-off-ish and from what Dallon says, it’s from a traumatic experience. But he’s been getting more touchy-feely. Brendon is constantly touching Dallon and grabbing him, it’s funny. There’s something familiar about him really but I couldn’t place it, I’d figure it out later, right now I was too busy trying to get Patrick to fall in love with me.

It was still just a lot of fucking and him flipping shit if it got too crazy for him. He’s pulling me out to his car in the parking lot, wanting to go drive somewhere and have sex in his car.

We get out where we won’t get caught and Patrick pulls over the car, fumbling into the back of the car. I stay up front, lost in my own world. I can feel his arms wrap around me from around the seat, Patrick is kissing my neck and I can’t resist. I flop into the back on top of Patrick. He kisses my neck and bites at my ear, I suck at his skin and grab at his crotch. It escalated quickly and soon enough we’re shifting around, slamming into things, things being jabbed into us. Patrick’s elbow jabbing into my stomach by accident, my knee shoved into his side. This had been a terrible idea.

“Patrick you’re probably going to end up with my foot up your ass instead of my dick if we fuck in here.” I sigh.

“Let me blow you then.” He says instantly, his wide, blue eyes sparkle with a weird excitement. I, at first, am hesitant but think, what could go wrong and nod.

“Okay, sure.” I shrug and he pushes me and my back slams into the car door I groan and he starts kissing me, undoing my pants. He lets me struggle out of them before doing anything. I’m already hard as a rock at this point so I didn’t need Patrick to get me hard first.

Before I truly have a chance to process any of this my head is tossed back and I’m gasping. This was new, so new… So good, “Oh, fuck… Patrick….” I breathe and shiver as a rush of pleasure runs over me. It was all moving so fast, pieces were missing from my memory.

His tongue flicks around the head of my dick in a way that causes me to let out a much louder moan than normal, my fists clenching in his bleach-blonde hair, panting and almost choking. My hips involuntarily thrust upward and Patrick pulls away, gagging at the unexpected dick being shoved deeper than he could take.

“Fuck.” Patrick coughs, “I almost threw up, dude, don’t do that.” He groans, rubbing his hand over his chest.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, it just felt so good I couldn’t really help it.” I frown and he smiles back at me.

“Shut up and stop apologizing.” He moves back to hovering just above my cock. I whine at his teasing and he smirks, taking my whole length. I moan and clench his hair within my fists. His tongue runs over my member and I choke back a gasp, throwing my head back.

“Oh fuck…” I gasp and arch my back. This felt really good, _so_ fucking good.

I cum into his mouth and he pulls back, swallowing the mouthful of semen. He kisses me quickly and grins.

“Ready to go back?” He asks as I pull my pants back up.

“What about you?” I ask seeing as he got nothing out of this.

“No, let's go out to eat.” He insists even though I can full well see he has a bulge.

“Um? But, Patrick?” I'm thoroughly confused.

He tumbles back into the driver's seat, “Come on. Where do you want to eat?” He watches me as I fall into my seat up front.

“Wherever you want to go I guess?”

## Frank

In the car to the concert Gee blared Sleeping With Sirens and sang the lyrics, well more like shouted them while drumming the air and banging his head. His long red locks of hair flying everywhere. I sing along too, but not as loud and violently as Gerard, he’s crazy into music and he’s actually pretty great himself, he can sing like nothing I’ve ever heard, well besides Brendon and Patrick that is, they’re voices are god-like and so is Gerard’s in my opinion, their like a trinity. A very emo, trinity.

Kellin Quinn was a fucking _god_. Okay?

He’s so exited to meet them, he’s practically shaking when we pull up outside of the small venue almost two hours from camp. I wasn’t nearly as excited as Gerard but I don’t think many people could be, these were his idols. I also wasn’t like, super into them either but they did have good music.

We make our way out of the car and Gerard is tugging at my arm, trying to pull me as fast as he could go into the building. I’m laughing at his excitement. It was so cute.

“Hurry up!” He whines as I go ‘ _too slow_ ’ for him.

“I am! I have tiny legs!” I defend and he starts chuckling at the statement, knowing full well that it was true.

“Your tiny legs are too slow, get bigger ones.” He teases with a grin and I roll my eyes.

“I hate you.” I groan, continuing to jog after him. He’s so cute when he’s this excited, I haven’t ever seen him so excited before.

Inside the venue, waiting in line was worse, Gerard was so fucking pumped and bouncy. So cute.

I yawn and Gerard smacks me, “What the fuck’s that for!?” I elbow him in the side.

“Stop being bored you fucking loser.” He hip-checks me and I slam into the person walking by, some older man who was probably in his twentie’s or thirty’s.

“Sorry about that.” I apologize and Gerard makes a choking noise, attracting both mine and the guy’s attention.

“You’re Justin Hills!” Gerard coughs, gripping onto me in awe. The man holds a finger up to his lips and smiles at him, ruffling his hair.

“See you two soon.” He nods towards the passes around our necks. Gerard squeals into my shoulder nodding as he hugs me, squeezing his arms around my waist.

“Oh my god, Frank! You _touched_ Justin fucking Hills!” He shakes me and I laugh.

“Dude I didn’t even know his name until you said it, I didn’t even know who he was.” I chuckle, rubbing at my neck, “I like their music and I mean I know most of it but I don’t know any of the members.” I shrug and give a sheepish smile to him.

“Really? You like them but don’t even know their names?” Gerard seemed baffled by my ignorance to the subject.

“Yeah?” I shrug, is that not what people do?

“Weird…”

## Rian

I lay on my bed with my eyes closed, not sleeping but not awake enough to function. I’d been like this for probably two hours, I was just trying to nap but my brain was not allowing that. It was running wild with adventures, nothing in particular, just falling between dreaming and real life.

I hear the door squeak open and clatter closed, too tired to even see who’d come into the room.

“Rian, get up.” I hear Zach’s voice which is extremely stern for some reason.

“No, sleep, shh.” I hum but I’m soon being ripped from the warmth of my blankets to the cool wooden floor.

“Get up.” He’s even more serious this time and I groan, sitting up.

“You didn’t have to be so rough, jesus.” I grumble, rubbing at my back.

“I can’t take it anymore!” He shouts, pacing as he tosses his hands into the air.

“Take what? I’m sorry, I’m not awake enough for this, please explain.” I grumble, staggering to my feet and yawning. I stretch and my back cracks, Zach winces at the sound.

“Them! Alex, Jack, Tyler, Brendon, Dallon! Their driving me fucking nuts! ‘ _You should date, Rian! You and Rian would be so cute together! Are you together yet?_ ’” He mocks, “I’m gonna put a gun to my fucking head and pull the trigger if I have to hear it one more fucking time!” He’s yelling as he grabs me by shoulders, shaking me as he says his next words, “Will you fake date me until they fuck off?” He begs.

“Dude, neither of us are gay though, right? I know I’m not.” I say.

“I’m not either but I’m so close to killing myself or all of them that I will do _anything_ to make them stop.” He pleads, “Please, we can break up in a few weeks, just fake an argument and end it!”

“We’re going to have to make out and kiss and touch and shit Zach!” I push him off of me, “No way in hell, I’m sorry Zach, but no way.”

“Please!” He shouts, “Rian I will do anything! I mean it’s just kissing! It’s not like it’s sex!”

“Well, I don’t want my first kiss to be with a dude, Zach!” I yell back and he freezes.

“You’ve never had your first kiss?” He gasps, wide-eyed.

“This is why I never told any of you.” I huff and cross my arms.

“You always said that your first kiss was out at a pond near your house with the neighbor girl though! It was such a pretty story!”

“It’s called being a good story-teller, asshole.” I grumble.

“I won’t kiss you, we could just be like… The type that doesn’t ‘show-off’ around our friends and stuff.” He still begs and I, _of course_ , relent.

“Fine. Not for too long though.”

“Deal.” Zach nods, “Hey, so like have you done anything with anybody before?” He asks.

“I’ve never dated anyone, jeez, fuck off already.”

Asshole.


	9. Nine - Falling For You

##  Gerard

I couldn’t believe any of this. I had just met my fucking idols and now I was watching them perform live in front of me with my best friend. This was fucking crazy. 

I belted the words to each of their songs, I was so into it that I barely realized there were thousands of other people here with me. It was just the band, Frank and I.

“This one’s for everybody who’s lost love in their lives and for the lovers stuck in purgatory!” Kellin cheered as the music to ‘Roger Rabbit’ began to play and I smiled, all the couples held each other and I stood singing along softly, listening intently, as this song was one of my favorites.

I feel Frank grab my hand and I clasp my fingers around his, glancing at him and he’s mumbling the words himself, his eyes meet mine too. Frank gets slammed into by the asshole next to him and he tumbles over, I catch him so he wouldn’t die in the pit

Frank stumbles to catch his balance, struggling for only a moment.  Kellin points at us, noticing my arms around Frank in my failing attempt to help him, Kellin gives a thumbs up and smiles, my eyes widening as I realized his assumptions. Frank fumbles out of my grip and looks at me awkwardly.

He says something but I can’t quite make out what he’s trying to convey. I look at him quizzically and he says it louder but I still can’t understand him.

“What?”

##  Frank

I let out a huff, now that I have the confidence to say my feelings he can’t even hear me. Dammit, “Can I kiss you?” I say like the fucking loser I am, louder than before.

Gerard leans a bit closer to me, “I can’t hear you!” He shouts.

“Can I kiss you!?” I shout back. He looks confused for a second, his brow scrunched.

“Yeah.” He replies but still seems confused. I grab onto his shirt, leaning in and quickly pressing my mouth to his. He doesn’t hesitate to kiss back, grabbing the sides of my face, kissing me heavily, pressing forcefully before pushing me off. 

Gerard smiles and laughs, it takes me aback.

He really meant it?

***

Gerard looks absolutely exhausted but beyond happy. His head is leaned against the window as we drive back to camp, “Frank.” Gee coos sleepily.

“Yes?” I reply.

“What was with that kiss? It was so random?” Gerard glances over at me.

“Uh, I dunno. Kellin Quinn ships us so I wanted to try it out.” I chuckle nervously.

“Okay.” He chuckles as well, “Your girlfriend wouldn’t be so happy about that.” He mumbles. Well, Gerard must be pretty stupid if he thinks Melanie is my girlfriend.

“My what now?” I ask and he sighs.

“Your girlfriend, Mel.” He mumbles.

“Mel and I aren’t dating dude.” I say and he looks horribly shocked.

“Uh, what?” He looks at me wide-eyed.

“Gee, I’m gay.” I don’t even bother to look over at him.

Gerard chokes a bit, “Frank did you want to kiss me tonight?” He questions.

“What do you think I said to you?” I was actually curious now. He said yes to something and now I needed to know what I had gotten permission for.

“I don’t know but I knew you asked s0mething so I just said yes… What did you say though?” Gerard asks.

“Uh, I asked if I could kiss you…” I hum and Gerard just sits there, he says nothing for the rest of the car ride.

##  Patrick

Pete’s hand holds mine as we balance on the railroad tracks we push our weight off of each other to keep balanced.

“Why do you think you have such bad commitment issues?” Pete hums. He’s so soft and it’s so cute.

“I just always have… I just always feel like everybody is gonna leave me and I can’t take being abandoned anymore I guess.” I shrug.

“Oh, I guess I have such a strong passion to be loved because I’ve never had anybody to love me before. I’ve never been abandoned because I’ve never gotten close to anybody before.” He sighs and I squeeze his hand a bit tighter. 

We hop off the tracks and wonder into the woods. I lead Pete to my tree and he laughs as I only let go of his hand when I realize I need it to get up the tree. I get up to my normal sitting branch and looks down at Pete.

“What are you waiting for?” I speak and then promptly fumble and almost fall off the branch.

“I don’t want to die.” He replies and I chuckles.

“Get up here.” I insist and he obliges, stumbling up the tree and sitting in front of me. I grab both his hands and play with his fingers with my own, “You have such smooth hands except for the tips. Those are all rough.” I mumble staring down at them with a grin. 

“I play bass.” He informs.

“I play everything, well except saxaphone, fuck the sax.” He starts to laugh even though I’m very serious, “I mean it though! They just sound like a dying animal!” I make the sound of a saxophone for emphasis. Pete laughs even harder, I loved his laugh, it’s contagious and I start to giggle too, bumping my forehead to his as I lean forward to catch my breath.

I tilt my head back to look up at Pete who was already watching me with that normal look in his eyes. That special one he only ever gave me. I can feel my heart flutter as I move closer to him, placing my legs on top of his. Pete get’s nervous suddenly but doesn’t stop me. I continue to play with his hands, my eyes dropping to watch them.

My head falls to rest on Pete’s chest, a huge grin is glued to my face.

“Hey, Pete.” I mumble.

“Yep?” He replies.

“I just… I have this weird feeling about you… Not like a bad feeling… But like.. I… Just, um… Well, In my head, I hate you, but my heart won’t stop beating for you.” I hum and Pete seems taken aback.

I lean away from him. He runs his fingers through my hair to push the long strands out of my face. He looks into my eyes as if to see if I’m lying.

“Are you sure?” He asks. 

I lean in and kiss him.

Pete goes to pull back but I put my hands on the back of his head. I pull at his somewhat short hair. I smile into the kiss and so does Pete. He pushes hard back against me, fighting for dominance but I push back, winning as I pin him to the tree. Moments into the kiss though, Pete loses his balance and tumbles from the tree, almost taking me with him.

“Pete! Oh my god! Are you okay!?” I scramble to the ground where he’s writhing in pain.

“I think I broke my arm."

 


	10. Ten - The Indescribable Word That Is True Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I ended up writing this after getting really angry so I hope it's fluffy enough. Today is making me so angry so sorry if it sucks.

##  Pete

“How did this even happen, Mr. Wentz?” The nurse asks as she creates a makeshift sling for me until an ambulance could get here.

Patrick starts to giggle, covering his mouth with his hand, I grin slightly, “I fell out of a tree.” I say and shift around in the bed they’d propped me up in.

“Why were you even in a tree?” The woman asks.

“Adventure?” I glance over at Patrick who looks like he was about to burst.

“Alright then.” The woman shakes her head and walks off to tend to another sick camper. Patrick comes and sits on the edge of the bed, smiling at me.

“Sorry for making you fall out of a tree.” He says with this weird, shaky excitement in his voice. He pushes my hair out of my eyes.

“That’s okay. It was worth it.” I let out a breathy laugh as I take his hand in mine, rubbing my thumb over the back of his hand, which was so smooth.

“What does that mean?” He looks at me funny.

“Uh, like, it was worth falling out of a tree to kiss you.” My cheeks heat up and so do Patrick’s. He pecks me on the lips shyly, it lasted less than a second. My mouth was still tingling from earlier.

Patrick peers up at me from under the long strands of almost ginger hair that hung loosely over his eyes. I go to brush them away and instantly recoil in pain, I had forgotten that my arm was basically a soggy noodle in support beams at the moment. Tears prick at my eyes from the pain, I start to shake slightly as well. Patrick frowns at my pained expression, he presses his mouth to my shoulder, it hurts but he’s so cute that I don’t notice.

“You could say that you  _ fell  _ in love with my kiss.” Patrick says suddenly and tips off the bed as he laughs hysterically at his own pun. I chuckle as well, it honestly hurts since I broke my shoulder and arm and a rib.

“You okay down there, bud?” I roll my eyes and he sits up, wheezing.

“Just dandy.” He continues to giggle as he returns to the bed.

I sigh with a smile plastered to my face. He was so cute, “You idiot.” I murmur and grab his hand again.

“So, uh, Pete?” He suddenly gets serious.

“Yeah? Is everything alright?” I worry.

“Yeah! It’s fine, but like…” He pauses, “You kinda ruined the moment before by falling out of the tree and breaking yourself so I didn’t get the chance to ask if you’d maybe, uh, like to be more than friends?”

“We already are.” I say, confused, “More than friends, less than lovers, remember?”

“No, I-... I don’t mean that… I mean like… More than that.” He’s so nervous, his hands are shaky and he’s holding mine so tight that it feels like he could crush it.

“Do you mean… You want me to be your boyfriend?” I say, almost in shock.

Patrick starts to nod, “Um, yeah… I want to be your really shitty boyfriend that forgets our anniversary and tries to bail at least once a week… If you don’t mind dealing with that then, yeah…” He hums, staring down at his lap.

I go to lift my arm again, cussing to myself as the pain rushes throughout my body. I drop his hand from within my good one and lift his chin so that he’s facing me. I move my hand to the side of his face, rubbing my thumb against his cheek.

“I would love for you to be my wonderful boyfriend that I don’t care if he forgets our anniversary and tries to run away, as long as he stays.” I lean forward and kiss him and I literally can’t even breathe from the stinging pain in my chest and shoulder but it’s worth it.

Everything is worth it for Patrick.

He gently pushes me back, having me lay back against the bed, “Stop hurting yourself for me.” He mumbles, kissing me one more. He climbs on top of me, sitting on my legs with his on either side of me.

“No.” I mutter and Patrick rolls his eyes at me.

“But are you sure? Like, I will actually try and end the relationship at least once a week.” He frowns.

“If you want to leave you can, but I will try and stop you.” I say back and He grabs onto my hand.

“But, I don't want to hurt you.” He starts.

“Are you trying to get out of this already?” I look up at him and he instantly starts to panic.

“No! No, I just… I… I'm worried about you cause I really do have feelings for you. I just… I run away when I get attached, I'm sorry.” He rambles and I watch him as my chest swells. He's so tiny and cute and I'm so in love with him.

“You don’t have to run away from me, I won’t leave you unless you want me to.” I speak softly and move my hand to cup his plump cheek.

“I don’t want to leave but I just get this like need, I’ll panic and it’s scary.” He leans into my touch.

“Instead of leaving come to me and I’ll comfort you until you’re not scared anymore. I’ve fallen in love with you Patrick. You don’t have to say it back if you’re not ready, I just, I’ve been in love with you since I first met you. I don’t want you to leave because you’re scared, I want you to stay because you’re comfortable.” I say as his eyes flutter closed, my thumb running over his smooth skin.

“I’ll try.” He coos, “I really want to try… For you.”

##  Jack

My fingers tangled in Alex’s hair we’re laid in the abandoned cabin, well, Alex is at least. His head is rested on my lower stomach, looking up at the stars and leaves of the trees through a gaping hole in the roof, he’s laid between my legs which are wrapped around his midsection, my feet between his thighs that were bent upward, swaying from side to side lazily.

“Do you think there really are such things as aliens?” He mumbles, playing with my fingers on my free hand with his own.

“Well, if we’re the most intelligent thing to exist then that’s sad… But yeah, there’s gotta be something else out there.” I reply with a yawn.

“Yeah, you’re right.” He hums as he starts to pull at the loose strands of fabric around the rip in my jeans, “I think animals are smarter than us though… I mean, we’re a pretty fucking challenged species. Human’s are gonna go extinct someday, wiped out like the dinosaurs!”Alex rambles.

“I wish we’d be wiped out like the dinosaurs.” I joke and he pinches me.

“No, bad… Only happy thoughts.” He smiles tiredly.

“That’s the only happy thought I have, baby.” I chuckles and Alex does as well.

“Hey, do you think that someday they’ll invent something so that gays can have babies of their own?” Alex suddenly asks, glancing up at me.

“‘Lex, they still haven’t figured out how to cure the common cold yet, think about this.” Alex erupts into a fit of giggles.

“You got me there!” He’s smiling from ear to ear, I love him, he’s so perfect. I can’t help but admire him.

Everything about him is so perfect, from the lines on his face from laughing too much or the way the corners of his eyes crinkle when he smiles too big. From the way he looks at me to the way his touch feels. From him to everything he does.

I love Alexander Gaskarth.

But, I’m too afraid to say it out loud.

##  Patrick

Pete looked so comfortable when they knocked him out with all those drugs. It was to stop the pain and it seemed to work pretty well. I held his hand as he slept, I truly felt horrible for him. It was really my fault since I had him go up there. I don’t understand how he would still want me after that but he did.

“I really like you.” I hum and brush some hair out of his face.

Pete was special, he’s the only person I’ve ever felt anything towards other than lust. He makes my heart swell with this weird indescribable ache, and I’ll just doing something with him that we always do and I’m just suddenly so overcome with this flooding in my chest that makes it so hard to catch my breath and it feels like I’m just going to burst because I just want him so much and I love them more than words could ever describe and I want those feelings to be describable but I just…  _ can’t _ . I try so hard to think of anything that could describe it but I just fail.

Pete Wentz is indescribable. That’s all that I can think of.

“You really are something, Pete.”


	11. Eleven - It's Always So Hard To Say Goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter but the next(???) one is worth it

##  Joe

Another summer come and gone, only two days left with Andy until Christmas. 

I’m laying on the top of our rock. Andy texted me to meet him here almost an hour ago. He’s late. I honestly was slightly worried due to his on-timeliness, but I soon notice his ginger hair bouncing on his shoulders, “Babe!” He grins as he notices me. I stumble to the ground and hurry over to him.

“Andy!” I smile at him and he presents me with a large bouquet of purple roses. I stop dead in my tracks in astonishment. I’d never seen a purple rose before.

“I love you!” He grins and pushes them towards me even more.

“I-...? I love you too, An… But like, why flowers? And I mean, purple roses?” I’m thoroughly confused.

“They mean love at first sight and lust.” He grins, “You can throw them out if you want, it was just an idea.” He chuckles a bit.

“No! Babe, that’s not what I meant, I love them but like, I was just confused and what am I supposed to say to everybody else?” I ask and Andy kisses me.

“Just say it was from your friends. Nobody else should know what they mean.” He coos and I let out a shaky breath.

“Okay. I nod. That sounds good.” I kiss him and he smiles, “I’m going to save all of these you know.”

“I know.” He smiles.

I pull one of them out of the fucking bush of them and hand it to Andy, “Keep this one.” I say and his smile gets bigger.

“I really love you.” He mumbles, taking the flower.

“You’re an idiot.” I say my expression telling him that I meant otherwise.

“As are you, babe, as are you.”

##  Pete

Patrick sits on the railroad tracks across from me, our legs tangled. The track had been abandoned for years now and it was now mine and Patrick’s place. Since I broke my arm about two or three weeks back I haven’t been able to go many places but Patrick liked to walk with me on the tracks so it slowly became our place.

“Two days.” He sighs, “I like being with you all the time.” He frowns, “I don’t want it to end.”

I take Patrick’s hand within mine, playing with his smooth hands, rubbing at the callused bumps on the tips. His eyes fall to look at our tangled hands, “I don’t want it too either, ‘Trick. But at least we get to see each other. I mean, Dallon and Bren don’t get to see each other until next summer.” 

“You’re right. I’m gonna miss everybody so much…” He mumbles, “Promise to still spend lots of time with me?” 

“I’ll spend all the time with you, Babe.” I smile and he does too, “I’m still going to need a shit-ton of help doing stuff until this stupid thing is all better.” I nod towards my arm.

“Yay!” He cheers like a child, “I like you a whole lot.” I chuckle, he was a special person.

“I like you too, Pat.” 

“Good.” He squeezes my hand.

“My mom’s going to hemorrhage when she sees the cast. I never told her about the incident.” I let out a soft laugh.

“A-... Are you going to tell her about us?” He stumbles.

“Not if you don't want me to.” I coo and he gives me a sympathetic smile.

“I'm just, I… I'm not out yet and I'm not very ready to come out yet.” Mumbles Patrick softly.

“Come out when you're ready.” I give him a calming grin.

“You're the only one who knows.” He says.

“Well shit, I would hope I'd know.” I mock shock, “Considering I've been fucking you for two years and call you my boyfriend.” I joke and he rolls his eyes.

“You are such an ass.” He smacks my knee.

“Only for you, boo.” I poorly wink at him and he giggles.

He’s a special person.

##  Brendon

My stomach dropped as we got to the terminal. I didn’t want to go and Dallon was not helping that at all, his arms go around me once we reach where I was going to be boarding the plane.

I hold back tears as I drop my bags at my feet, turning in his arms to face him. He cups my face in his hands, “Next summer will be even better.” He mumbles, leaned down so his forehead rested against mine, the tips of our noses rubbing together.

“I need everyday to be even better, Dal…” I whimper. Who would comfort me when I had a panic attack over what Ryan did? Who would be willing to get into bed with me when I had a nightmare? Who would be there?

“Next year, Baby, next year.” He coos but I start to cry either way. Dallon kisses me but I just cry harder, “Please don’t cry babe, please.” He begs, kissing my cheeks, trying to stop my tears. Little does he know, this is making it even harder to say goodbye.

He pulls me against himself, holding me tight. I’m in tears and shaking when they announced my plane was boarding.

I let go of Dallon but he doesn’t let me go and that’s when I notice his trembling. He sniffles into my shoulder, “I can’t wait a year.” He mumbles, his voice so tiny I can barely hear him.

“Me neither.” 

“I’ll see you one month from now in Vegas.” He hiccups, “I love you.”

I shiver at the words at first, “I love you too.” I kiss him and he kisses me back.

His arms drop from my waist and I board my plane with tears falling all the way home.


	12. Twelve - A Kiss You'll Always Remember

##  Patrick

Pete grabs me by the waist, catching me mid-sprint, “I caught you.” He bites at my ear, leaving a kiss on my jawline.

“Pete!” I break free of his grip, “People have eyes you know.” I mutter, giving him a shove.

“I wish that they didn’t so I could be the only one to observe your beauty.” He coos and I roll my eyes.

“Can you chill with the gay for like ten seconds?” I roll my eyes as I start to walk off.

“Only if you can keep your dick in your pants for that long.” He retorts and my face goes red. I am such a slut for him.

“I hate you.” I grumble.

Pete’s hands rest against my hips, “Love you too, babe.” He smirks against my neck.

“Don’t do that!” I groan and pull his hands off of me, “There are people here, Pete.” I turn to glance at him over my shoulder and he lets out a huff.

“Too bad.” He tries grabbing me again but I dodge his hands.

“Stop that.” I point at him.

“Am I being bad?” He smirks and I roll my eyes.

“Pete I will dump your sorry-ass right here, right now.” I mumble, stepping up to him. He pecks me on the lips with a grin.

“I’m done.” He says and kisses me once more, “I lied, now I’m done.” 

I roll my eyes and laugh. I can’t stand him sometimes.

“Come on, the guys are waiting for us.” I tug at his arm, pulling him back to our meeting spot.

Pete laughs the entire time. He’s always so happy.

He makes  _ me _ so happy.

##  Brendon

My feet can’t carry me fast enough, I’m stumbling over the various bags hanging down around me. As soon as I exit the flight gate I can see my giraffe man himself standing not too far away. I somehow manage to run even faster, dropping my bags and throwing myself onto Dallon. He kisses me hard, pushing his mouth to mine, his arms holding me desperately close, my legs around his waist. I pull my arms around his neck and hold onto him with a frantic desire for him. I hadn’t seen him in almost four months. I kiss him awkwardly, moving my mouth hurriedly as if I’d never be able to kiss him again. He kisses back, equally as rushed and forceful.

“I missed you so much.” I gasp against his mouth.

“I missed you too.” He mumbles, I break the kiss to catch my breath, burying my face into the crook of his neck. Dallon presses his face into my hair, we stay like this for a while, until Dallon can’t hold me any longer.

“Bren.” Dallon says softly after setting me down, neither of us letting go of the other.

“Dal.” I speak, hugging him tighter. I didn't want to let go, I wanted to stay like this forever.

“I love you.” He says to me, everything about him screams the words louder than his voice ever could.

“I love you too.” My voice bleeds emotion.

He moves his hands to take mine, “You ready?” He smiles at me.

“Always.” I grin back. He let's go of my hands and picks up a couple of my bags and I take the others, his hand links with mine again as we walk to his car.

##  Alex

Jack tries to distract me as I drive, kissing my neck, biting at my ear, grabbing at my thighs. I shrug off all of his attempts to make me pull over and fuck him. (No matter how tempting that sounded).

“Baby.” He coos, kissing at my jawline, “Hey, baby, pay attention to me.” He whines like a small child.

“Sorry, sex with a two year old is illegal, Jack. Come back when you're older.” I tease and he giggles into my neck.

“Come on, with all the space up here we could fuck so quick.” He says.

“With all this room and you still insist on practically being on top of me.” I glance at him as he stifles a laugh. I had a 1953 Chevrolet Bel Air that was handed down to me from my grandfather, Jack had what I categorized under a kink, for fucking in it.

“Well yeah, you’re my favorite place to sit.” He winks and I fake gag.

“You are so gross.” I laugh and so does Jack. 

We finally get to the parking lot and pull up next to Zach’s car. Him and Rian seem to be pretty happy together if I’m honest, I’m assuming they came together.

“Let’s go find our friends.” I chuckle and Jack sighs.

“You owe me a blowjob.” Jack mutters as he fumbles over me and out of the car. I laugh at him for being so lazy that he couldn’t slide over to his door and get out.

“It’s a no from me.” I reply, that was something we did a lot. Simon Cowell and Gordon Ramsay quotes were our one passion. 

“Ass.” He rolls his eyes with a grin, I really did love him.

“Let’s go, dumbass.” I get out of the car and he grabs my hand.

“I love you, stupid.”

“I love you too.”

##  Andy

I sit, playing on my phone, waiting for Joe to get to our place. My phone buzzes and I check the new notification.

**_New Message From: Dallon Weekend_ ** **_  
_ ** _ Hey, dinner with the gang tonight at… _

I smile, it was always great to see everybody after being away for so long. I really was going to miss this place, this might be my last summer depending on what happens with Joe and I and if I’m moving, it just depends on life.

I open the message and read the whole thing.

**_Hey, dinner with the gang tonight at some pizza place on main and then karaoke! Or we can go to a karaoke restaurant? Just going out to have fun in general since we all haven’t seen each other in almost a decade. If you have plans elsewhere, cancel them cause you’re coming no matter what! (Sent to all in a huge group chat)._ **

I’m excited about it but at the same time I really want to just be with Joe tonight, I haven’t seen him in like forever.

I’ll see him every day, all summer. We should see our friends for once.

“Andy!” Joe calls and I jump to my feet, “Babe!” He shouts as he throws himself onto me. I hold him up with ease, his scrawny frame was lighter than what I bench press on a daily basis, “Your hair!” He gasps seeing it almost all gone, “And jesus, you’ve been working out a lot.” Joe is honestly shocked by my appearance change.

“Yep! Trying to look my best for you, Baby.” I kiss him softly and he smiles, bringing his hands up to the sides of my face.

“Your voice just doesn’t match what you look like anymore, damn.” He chuckles, “It’s cute.” 

“Thank’s babe, I like your haircut too.” I say, his hair was just a curly bush on the top of his head, “I still am partial to the long hair and beard though.” I smile.

“I like your hair short, I can see your face better.” He kisses my cheek, “Oh my god! Your snakebites!” He pokes at the little empty and barely noticeable holes under my bottom lip.

“Yeah, I got bored of those, plus they’re annoying when we kiss.” I say, “And suck your dick but that’s a different story.”

Joe starts to laugh, his head falling onto my shoulder, “Did you get that text about tonight?” Joe asks, still giggling.

“Yeah, do you want to go?” I question and feel him nod.

“It’ll be nice to see our friends.” He picks his head up to looks at me, his face red and eyes watery.

“I agree, and karaoke seems fun, you’re a great singer.” I grin, kissing him again.

“No, hush.” His cheeks get an even deeper shade of red.

“Never.” I say as I brush our lips. I just couldn’t help but keep kissing him, being away from him for almost six months does shit to me. 

Joe smirks, “I’ll make you then.” He kisses me over and over. My chest hurt from how hard my heart was pounding. I missed him too much.

I don’t think I can last six months without him again. 

##  Zach

“You said this was only for a little while, Zach.” Rian snaps at me.

“I thought it was!” That was until I actually did fall in love with you.

“What the fuck does that mean, Zach!? Huh!? Tell me what the fuck is going on here!” He demands, “I’m  _ straight _ Zach, stop making me play pretend!” He yells and I can feel my heart sinking.

“Because! Everybody thinks we’re happy together! Everybody thinks we're couple goals! I don’t want to disappoint!” I insist. In no way could it because I love him…

Idiot.

If he couldn’t see it then it was no use. I should just give up.

“That’s no excuse!” He yells at me.

“Please! Just… I don’t want to let people down! A little longer.” I beg, I just want to call him mine for as long as I can. Before I have to give up.

“Fine, Zach, fucking fine.” He snaps.

“Thank you.” I mumble and he just shrugs, “Are you going to the thing tonight?”

“Yeah. Are you?”

“Yeah.” I nod as I kick my bag under my bed. I sigh and flop onto it, “I’m gonna sleep first though.”

##  Frank

I sat in the grass, waiting for my friends. And Gerard… He hadn’t talked to me since Sleeping With Sirens. I still love him, I think I always have really. He makes me happy, well,  _ made  _ me happy. Now it just hurts to even think about him.

Remembering Gerard is so painful, everything about him is still so vivid even after not seeing him for about nine months. 

I sigh and pull at the blades of grass before me. The sun is blocked out and I’m covered by shade suddenly.

“Hey loser, here all by yourself?” Chuckles Mikey as he sits in front of me.

“Yeah.” I say, shrugging glancing at him.

“Have you seen Ray?” He asks.

“Nope, haven’t seen anybody.” I shrug yet again, “I’ve been waiting for you guys, mostly you and Ray really though.” I move my full attention to Mikey now.

“What about Gerard?” His brow furrowed, “I thought you two were like… Best friends?”

“He hates me right now.” I pretend like the words don’t hurt to say.

“What? Why? He never told me this.” Mikey seems frustrated that his brother didn’t tell him anything. I’m kind of happy Gerard didn’t say anything.

“We had a disagreement last summer and never resolved it.” I inform as though it was nothing.

“Oh.” He shrugs.

“Mikey!” Gerard calls, “Stop running off to fuck your man, pay attention to me.” He whines like a needy girlfriend, “Oh-... Frank…” He notices me.

“Gee.” I nod and Mikey can feel the tension bouncing off of us. I could too, I just couldn’t figure out what kind of tension it was.

“Frank, can we go somewhere… Alone?”

Mikey winks as I stand.

“Okay. Where to?”

***

Small talk was made on our woodland adventure. It was awkward, bitter tension between us. Gerard is barely there, off in his own head and it’s pissing me off. He’d not listening to me, nor is he paying any attention to the fact I’m right besides him.

“If you’re just going to ignore me then why the fuck did you-”

Gerard kisses me, his soft but clammy hands cup my face. He kisses me so hard we both end up on the ground, “Just shut utp already. You’re giving me a headache.” He speaks in a heavy tone as he pulls back. I’m trembling. Gerard is straddling me, leaned over me as I lay flat on my back on the ground.

“I-... You-... You what?” I stammer and he rolls his eyes at me. 

“I said to shut up, Frank. Stop jabbering about shit neither of us want to hear about, stop yammering on and on about nothing when that’s not why we’re even here.” My head was spinning, “Just fucking kiss me already.” He demands.

I was wrong about the bitter tension.

I kiss him hard, my hands behind his head and his holding my face still.

It was sexual.

##  Rian

Dinner was fun. Gerard and Frank didn’t show so it was just the fourteen of us, Ryan (Ross) didn’t show up either but I get a bitter vibe from Dallon and Brendon when he’s around.

Zach’s hanging off of me like a drunk girlfriend at a frat party, which he is none of those. I promised him a while longer because he truly is desperate for the acceptance of everybody else. He seems to be ignored a lot and I guess I can understand why he wants this to go on for a bit longer. Just so he has somebody to pay attention to him, even though I always do anyway.

He giggles at something that Pete had said and I smile. It’s nice to see him happy.

“You know, I just realized that I’ve never seen you two do anything very… Couple-ish.” Comments Brendon, “Like, you’re always touching but I mean, so are Patrick and Pete but they aren’t a couple, and Joe and Andy do that too.” He says and I can feel Zach’s sudden panic.

“We like to keep to ourselves because we know it can be annoying to some people.” Zach lies with a shaky voice. He stays slumped over in the booth with his head on my shoulder, my arm kind of wrapped around him.

“Yeah but, you don’t even hold hands or anything, like ever.” He continues to push and I sigh to myself.

“Zach, baby.” I say and he looks up at me, shock in his eyes at my words, I place my finger under his chin and lean down, gently kissing him and pulling away. I run a hand over his cheek for extra effect.

Zach looks so shocked and it’s hilarious. I just start to laugh at his expression, everybody seems confused by my outburst. I place my head on the table as I choke and sputter, laughing so hard that I couldn’t catch my breath. Zach snaps out of his shock after a bit, rubbing at my back to try and calm me down but I just laugh even harder. Why it was so funny to me? No clue at all, it just was.

“Okay then…” Brendon hums and nods, everybody loses interest in my fit after a moment or two, only Zach’s attention is still on me when I calm myself to only the extent of some hysterical wheezing.

“Sorry.” I giggle as I look over at him and he smiles at me.

“Don’t apologize.”

“Okay.”

***

We’re sitting in Zach’s car on the way back to camp. I’m pretty tired from the action packed night. He put some music on softly and we don’t really talk, I’m just too tired to make conversation.

“Hey, Rian.” Zach says when we’re pulling into the twenty-minute long dirt road to the parking lot.

“Mmh, yeah?” I hum.

“You kissed me.” He says, “Why-... Why’d you do that?”

Now that he asks, I actually have no idea how to answer. _ I don’t know. _

“Uh, I just felt bad cause you really want this to be believable.” I say, I think that’s right? I hope that’s right.

“But it was so caring.” He hums, almost as if he were swooning.

“I-... I mean, that’s how I kiss?” I mumble, my eyebrows furrowed.

“Okay, I was just asking.” He shakes his head but something about him tells me he’s lying.

Something in me tells me that  _ I’m _ lying.


	13. Thirteen - And A Night You'll Never Forget

##  Pete

I twirl Patrick’s hair around my calloused finger tips, he watches me with his big blue eyes that are brighter than anything I’ve ever seen. His head is on my chest and he’s tracing over the tattoos on my arms and the ones poking out from beneath my shirt with his pale fingers.

I never knew that lying on a railroad track could be comfortable. Patrick tugs at my skin slightly, absentmindedly running his hands over me. It had been months since his last urge to escape, he seemed so genuinely happy with me lately and it just made me feel so good.

“It’s almost been a year.” Patrick hums into me.

“It feels like it’s been a month.” I chuckle softly, “Time flies when you’re in love.” I say but instantly correct myself, “No-... Wait, sorry. I forgot.” I apologized. He was still shy around the mention of love. It was usually ‘ _ like _ ’ and not ‘ _ love _ ’ that was spoken between us even though that's not what I felt.

“No, no.” Patrick’s blue eyes tilt up to look at me, “I love you too.” 

I open my mouth to apologize again only to freeze. My heart pounds at the sound of those words coming from Patrick’s mouth. It sounded so good. Everything just felt so special coming from him. Just the way he says my name gives me chills. But this, this was something that made me feel some type of way, something I couldn't describe in word form. My chest was tight and I felt like I could just burst, my breathing is ragged and I was all shaky.

Patrick looks up at me with his eyes sparkling with pride and a smile plastered to his face. My heart pounds even harder now. 

He places a hand to my chest, feeling my heart about to erupt out of me. 

“Say it again.” I speak, my voice pleading.

“I love you, Pete.” His smile gets even bigger, “I really love you, a whole lot.” 

My body doesn't know how to react, my hands going over my face as I laugh and cry and squeal, my whole body confused by the sudden rush of feeling, one that I've never experienced. Patrick starts to giggle himself as he watching me. He pulls my hands away from my face and kisses me, cupping my face in both of his hands. I truly love this stupid fucking boy with the voice of gold and commitment issues.

He’s giggling into my mouth and I’m shoving my tongue down his throat. He pulls away and gives me a funny look, “Don’t do that, it’s gross.” He says with a smile on his face.

“You know you like it.” I smirk, sticking my tongue out at him and he bites at it and gives me a childlike grin, baring his teeth adorably. I kiss him again.

I can’t stop kissing him, I can’t stop needing him, god I love him.

##  Joe

Ten years had past, I couldn't believe it. I'd had my first kiss ten years ago today and I fell in love this same day, the moment our lips touched. 

My hand holds his, pulling him through the woods, “Hurry up!” I tug excitedly at him.

“Slow down! Jesus Christ, what is this? A race?” He pants. He's a better shape than anybody in the camp but is still managing to struggle to keep up with me. I was so excited.

“I'm just excited!” I exclaim, dragging him off the trail to the boulder.

“Are you really  _ that _ horney?” Andy laughs at me and I roll my eyes.

“No sex tonight, just romance!” I scramble to the top of my rock.

“What? What's all this about, Joe?” He looks me up and down in confusion.

“It's been ten years, Andy! Ten  _ years  _ since I fell in love with you and since you kissed me! Did you not remember?” I ask as Andy pulls me up.

“Oh yeah! I forgot! I'm sorry…” Andy frowns and I just smile, kissing him.

“I'm glad you forgot so you can't ruin my plans.” I hope down off the rock and Andy follows, now noticing the set-up that I'd created for us. There were blankets and pillows all over and unlit candles placed around.

“What the hell?” Andy looks at me as he sits down, back pressed against the rock. 

“Surprise!” I grin widely, kissing him, “Happy anniversary!”

“Our anniversary is October 27th, Joe.” Andy chuckles. He wasn't wrong. We had sex for the first time when we were fourteen and I asked him out right after that happened. We weren't official, we dated others,  _ girls _ . We still kissed and cuddled and touched while dating these girls too, we didn't see it as cheating because we were nothing but friends. And we were also the same gender, a fake rule that we created to feel better about our cheating. Yet we never got caught by anybody.

“It's been ten years since the night that started this all. So it's been ten years!” I grin and Andy rolls his eyes at my stupidity, shaking his head. 

“I love you even though you're an idiot.” He smirks as he kisses me.

“Babe, look.” I pull a blanket off of a cooler, “I knew we'd have lots of food for fourth of July so I got us dessert.” I nod for him to open it.

He does and instantly falls back onto me, erupting with hysterical giggles, “Oreo cheesecake!?” He opens his eyes, squinting through his fit of giggles, “Are you for real?”

I smile, chuckling myself, “Yes! I  _ had _ to.” 

Mine and Andy’s first date was a disaster, but a good one. We were only fourteen and it was late January when we finally got to sneak out late at night, just a two of us. Since we were so young, neither of us had much money, I had leftover Christmas money that I'd saved just for this. It wasn't enough for a real date and we couldn't really get much with it. So we decided on getting sweets and sharing that.

It was about 10:35 pm when we decided on a cheesecake and made our way into the shitty little convenient store down the street from my house. We pick out an Oreo cheesecake, a really terrible, super cheap one at that. It cost $12.99 and we also got some plastic forks to eat it with. The two of us sat outside the store on the curb, freezing and eating this horrid, old, freezer burned cake but it was probably the best night either of us had.

We never got caught even when I got a severe case of the flu that I had for almost two weeks and Andy got a cold that didn’t go away for almost a month. It didn’t matter to us, it was the best date we’d ever had, freezing our asses off at 11 o’clock in the evening eating on the side of the road with plastic forks that could barely break through the rock-hard oreo disaster.

“Oh my god, Joe… You only have fucking plastic forks too!?” He’s dying of laughter at my display of affection.

“I’m just trying to recreate the best date we ever had, Boo.” I grin at him, his head in my lap after he’d fallen over, gasping for air.

“I love you so much.” He smiles as he attempts to catch his breath. Andy sits up and pulls the cake out of the cooler along with the two forks.

We ate the actually good cake that I had gotten from a professional bakery earlier this morning. It was almost a classier, more expensive version of our first date.

We’d eaten about half the cake in total before we’d had enough and put it back in the cooler. I notice the sun had gone down which means they should be starting the fireworks soon. Just as planned.

“Andy, you know I really love you right.” I speak after sitting in silence for the longest time.

“Yeah?” He’s skeptical of my words.

“I’ve honestly had this planned for weeks, I know you forgot but-”

“Joe, uh… The truth is that I didn’t forget… I had plans to bring you out for an expensive dinner and bring you to a fireworks show out of town… I like this a lot better than my idea though.” Andy admits and I smile.

“I would’ve loved that but I think that I like my idea better too because I have a bigger surprise than just the first date recreation.” I’m so excited as the words fall from my mouth, “You know that I love you so much and that you’re my world, I’ve loved you since before I knew what love was and I even kept loving you when it felt wrong…” I look over at him and move to be in front of him, on one knee. I swallow hard as I reach into my back pocket, “I just want this to be as special as you are…” I speak as I pull the ring box out and flip it open.

Andy’s jaw drops as he goes pale, “Joe…” He croaks and my smile falls.

“What is it? What’s wrong?” I start to shake with worry. Andy sits up a bit and pulls a box out of his own pocket and presents me with a ring. I sit still for a long while before bursting  into laughter, so hard that I can’t breathe and I topple over onto Andy, landing in his lap. I’m choking and coughing through my hysterical fit of laughing. Andy titters at the sight of me rolling around, trying to breathe.

“No fucking way!” I cough, “I’ve always said we’re on the same wavelength but no fucking way!” I laugh harder and so does Andy. This was the hardest I’d ever laughed ever in my life. Andy pulls his arms around me as he tips over too.

“I’m assuming that it’s a yes from us both.” He giggles. I nod, unable to speak at this point.

Andy’s phone rings and he picks up, “H-... Hey Pete.” He wheezes through his laughter, “Just… Just a thing… I'll explain s-... Soon. What's up?” He’s struggling to hold back the giggles trying to fall from him, “We went on an ad-adventure… Yeah… Okay… Bye.” He stammers out and tosses his phone to the side.

“He wanted us to hang out.” He chuckles as he hugs me against him.

“No.” I smile at him, kissing his sweet mouth.

“No shit.” He smirks, picking up the ring boxes that had been discarded during our meltdowns. He takes the one he'd gotten me and placed it on my finger and I did the same for him.

I kiss him and he smiles at me, “I love you”

“I love you too, Baby.”

***

“Where were you guys last night?” Pete asks me as I look for clothes.

“Uh, just adventuring.” I shrug and Pete still stares, I make my way to the end of his bed and grab my phone from where I'd tossed it. Pete catches my wrist and holds it tightly between his fingers.

“Where the hell did you get this?” Pete gawks at my ring with wide, bright eyes.

“It was my grandfather's.” I say with a yawn.

“You've never worn it before.” Pete watches me.

“Found it in my bag this morning, I thought I lost it.” I instantly lie. Andy wakes up as I'm in the middle of my sentence.

“What'd you lose?” He yawns as he sits up and stretches.

“Nothing, I found something I lost.” I hum.

“Oh, cool.” Andy gets up and grabs a shirt off the floor near the closet. He pulls it over his head, I catch myself staring, as always. I mean have you  _ seen  _ him. I can’t help it.

Pete eyes Andy suspiciously, grabbing his wrist and looking over the ring on his finger, “What is  _ that _ ?” 

“Gift from my dad.” Andy says and pulls his hand free, I swallow hard. Him and I were  _ engaged  _ and everybody thought we were still straight. 

“Really?” He asks.

“We’re engaged.” I suddenly blurt without even thinking. Andy spins to face me faster than he comes and Pete starts to laugh, not believing me.

“It would’ve been more believable to say you shit them out.” Pete laughs and both Andy and I look between him and each other, “You’re not even dating!” He chuckles.

It takes a while for him to even realize that he was the only one laughing and he slowly stops, watching us weird.

“Wait…  _ What? _ ”Pete asks.

“Joe and I are engaged, like, ready to plan a wedding.” Andy pipes up.

“No your not.” He shakes his head, “That’s impossible.” Pete shakes his head, “You aren’t even dating! Joe, aren’t you dating some girl?!” He gasps.

“Andy, Pete, I am dating and engaged to and going to marry, Andy. I’ve been in love with him since we were kids, sneaking kisses and gentle touches.” I say, “These are engagement rings.” I grab Andy’s hand and present our rings to him.

“Why don’t they match.” He asked, looking at them.

“Well…” I start as we both start to giggle.

“Oh! Oh my god! Did I interrupt that last night!? I am so sorry!” He apologizes and Andy starts to laugh to hard to continue being a part of our conversation.

“No, we already finished that part, you called when we were laughing hysterically.” I reply, giggling.

“Why  _ were _ you laughing?” Pete now asks.

“So, I got down on one knee to propose and when I pulled out the ring he pulled one out too.” I run my tongue over my lips, starting to laugh again.

“Wait, you both planned to propose on the same night?” Pete gasps.

“You sure do ask a lot of questions, Pete. But yes.” I grin as Andy’s arms go around me. At first I go to pull away out of habit but quickly relax. We’re engaged. I want everybody to know that I love him.

I turn around in his arms and he’s still giggling. I can’t stop smiling as I kiss him awkwardly.

“I ship it.” I hear as someone enters the room, the door clanks closed. I pull away to see who it was, Patrick followed by Dallon and Brendon who were basically too busy fucking to even notice us.

“Dude they got engaged last night!” Pete points at us.

“Yo! Nice.” Patrick high fives me, “Pete, I’m going out to eat, wanna come with?” He tugs at Pete’s arm.

“See you guys, don’t get too crazy.” Pete chuckles as he’s pulled out the door.

“Hey, we’re gonna fuck if you don’t mind getting out.” Dallon says only moments later. Andy smiles.

“Celebratory lunch?” He asks me and I nod.

I’m finally engaged to the man I’ve been in love with for as long as I can remember.

“I love you.”

 

 


	14. Fourteen - The Only Straight Thing I Do Is Straight Up Say No

##  Patrick

Pete holds my hand, swinging our arms and bumping his hips against mine. Well, he had slightly shorter legs than me (Even though he was taller) so his hips were mostly hitting my thighs. The smile on his face is so bright, he is just so happy.

He's happy  _ with me _ . It's baffling, I've never made  _ anybody _ this happy. And what's even crazier, he makes  _ me  _ that happy. 

Pete drops my hand and tosses his arm around my waist, making it so we were far too close. I lean against him to get closer.

He places a kiss to the side of my head with a grin spread across his lips. I love going out with him where we can act like this without any hesitation or fear of being caught. Pete would do this anywhere if I’d only let him. 

“You look so good today. Did you do something different?” Pete asks, “You look perfect everyday but like, today is just different?” He says, brushing the stray hairs that hung in my face, off to the side.

“I didn’t do anything else that I don’t normally do.” I tilt my head up a bit to look at him.

“I don’t know but you just look really amazing today.” Pete smiles at me as I turn a deep shade of red, “Awe, you're so cute when you blush, ‘Trick.” Pete teases and I elbow him in the ribs.

“Stop that!” I whine, my face getting hotter.

“Nope.” Pete kisses my cheek. I push him off of me but he catches my waist and pulls me back quickly, “You can't get away that easy, babe.” 

I let out a groan and Pete pecks me on the lips.

“Patrick!?” A voice calls and I instantly shove Pete off, he goes to grab me but I smack his hands away and he gets the hint. I keep walking, pretending like I didn't hear it and move a bit faster.

“Pat, slow down, holy shit.” Pete grabs my arm but I pull it away.

“Dude, someone recognized me, you have to stop.” I speak without even glancing at him.

“Patrick.” He stops walking and I spin to face him.

“No.” I glare at him.

“Calm down, it's okay.” He speaks softly.

“Patrick?” The person's voice is now way too close for comfort as they step up behind Pete.

My Aunt. 

“A-... Aunty Kath…” I choke.

“Patrick, what were you doing!?” She demands and I start to shake, my stomach drops.

“What-... What do you mean?” I stammer, my voice as unsteady as the rest of me.

“With this boy! What were you  _ doing _ with him!?” She points at Pete.

“I'm sorry, ma’am, it's my fault.” Pete speaks up, which I'm beyond thankful for. I know if I tried to say something I would've been sick on the spot.

“What are you talking about?” She now turns her attention to Pete.

“I have a bit of a crush on Patrick and he knows but he's straight and is just trying to make me happy and I took it a little too far. I apologize.” Pete says on the spot.

Kath looks between us both, shaking her head, “That's a lie, Patrick looks like he could pass out.” She notices and I know I'm fucked.

“He's not feeling well.” Pete again, lies through his teeth.

“Does your mother know about this, Patrick? Does she know that you're with a  _ man _ ? Going against the word of  _ god! _ ” She scolds me, completely ignoring Pete at this point.

Tears start to well in my eyes.

“I-... I’m not-...” I start but she isn’t listening.

“I can’t  _ believe  _ you Patrick!” She tosses her arms in the air, making a scene, “I thought you knew better!” Kath says, not understanding how badly I really did  _ want  _ to be normal. How much I didn’t  _ want  _ to feel this way. I just did and Pete made that nagging, that constant pressure of wanting to be something I wasn’t, he made it not hurt, he made me feel like it was okay to be like this.

“You don’t… It’s not what you think, Aunt Kath! Just please, don’t tell my mom! Please!” I beg, “You don’t understand.” I speak.

“Don’t count on me keeping your dirty secrets.” She huffs, storming off. Pete stands there for a while, not sure of what to do. He can see that I’m breaking just by the way I’m shaking.

“Pat… I’m so sorry.” He finally says and my eyes well with tears, I can’t see properly as they start to pool at the brim of my eyes, spilling over. Pete hesitates as he goes to touch me. He doesn’t know how to react to this, unsure of what I was going to do.

I throw myself against him, burying my face in the crook of his neck. He doesn’t do anything for a bit, eventually wrapping his arms around me, rubbing at my back, “It… It’ll be okay, Pat, don’t worry.” He coos.

“I can’t do this, Pete. I just…I can’t…” I sob.

“Please don’t, babe, please.” He starts to beg and I don’t understand why, “Don’t run away, please.” That’s when I remember. I wasn’t even thinking about leaving him. He’s the only stable thing in my life.

I look up at him through the tears, “I-... I wasn’t even thinking about that…” I tell him and he kisses my forehead.

“Good, just… Don’t think about the bad. Think about us, not what they think. All that matters is that we have each other.”

“I love you so much, Pete.”

“And I love you too, Pat.”

##  Rian

Zach tugs at his hair, pulling at the bottom of his shirt to straighten it, tugging his pants up a bit more. I just sit and watch, I can’t seem to help myself.

“Do I look alright?” He turns to me and I instantly fumble with my phone to make it look like I was doing something.

“Yeah, you look fine.” I speak while staring at my phone screen.

“You didn’t even look.” Zach speaks.

“ I don’t have to, you always look great.” I say without thinking.

“Oh… Uh…” He’s taken aback, “Okay, thank you?” I can feel my cheeks heating up, burning my skin with a deep red glow.

“Yeah, no problem dude.” I swallow hard.

“Aren’t you going to get ready or…?” He trails off and I give him a confused look.

“Why? What do you mean?” I ask.

“Dinner. I invited you to dinner with me.” Zach looks at me weird, “You said yes, are you like, alright, Rian. You’ve been acting fucking weird lately.”

“I’m fine, just… Not getting enough sleep.” I give a lame excuse. That was what I was chalking it up to in my own head at least.

“Alright, do you still want to come?” He watches me as I nod.

“Uh, yeah, I’ll get dressed, hold on.” I get up and Zach sits on his bed. I tug on some clean clothes and fix my hair, stealing some of Jack’s hair gel to do so.

“You really got dressed up for a plain dinner.” Zach eyes me over when I finish getting ready.

I shrug, “I want to look nice at least.”

“You look great.” He gives me his signature, super awkward smile.

“Thank you.” I nod and he does as well.

***

The car ride was so awkward I felt like I was going to die. Well, it was awkward for me, not for Zach. Neither of us talked at all, just rode in silence, other than our breathing and the radio on low.

He pulled up to some chinese place called Orange Garden. I’d eaten food from here a couple times, it was pretty good.  Zach exited the car and it didn’t register in my brain that I needed to get out too. He opens my door for me and I feel my heart race for a moment.

“You know you have to get out.” He states and I nod.

“Uh, yeah, I got distracted, sorry…”

***

I am a mess. Zach wanted to go on an adventure when we got back to camp and here we were in the woods near a roped off cliff that drops down to the sandy pond below. There was a playground there and Zach was hanging out on the top of the monkey bars. His head dangling off one side and his legs hanging off the other. I was sitting on the swings that were attached to them, swaying slightly back and forth.

“The sunset is so pretty.” I hum and Zach sits up.

“I can’t see it through the trees.” He jumps off and sits down next to me on the swings and he glows with the light that bounced around the small little cove of trees, “Wow, you’re right.” He coos, looking over at me.

My eyes meet his and their glowing, the auburn orange from the sun reflected in the brown flakes in his hazel eyes, making them shine gold. I’m taken aback by his sudden gorgeousness, I’d never felt my heart pound the way that it was or had the want to just touch him before.

I lean closer to him and he just watches, his gaze following me. I brush a stray hair from his face, trailing my fingers over his soft skin. He’s obviously confused but says nothing. 

I stop, my hand resting on his cheek as I plant a small kiss to his mouth. He kisses back for the small, fraction of a second that I had my lips locked to his. I tilt my head back so our mouths were no longer touching, my forehead brushing against his glabella and the tip of his nose tapping the bridge of my nose. 

“I don’t know why I did that…” I mumble, “I don’t know why I want to…” Zach places a finger under my chin and moves my mouth back to his. Kissing me a bit longer than I had the first time.

“Me too.” He says softly, “The only difference is that I like guys and you don’t.”

I giggle and bump my forehead against his in the process, “I’m not even sure anymore.”

“Maybe I’m just special.”

##  Patrick

I’m scribbling down some lyrics in a notebook while Pete does whatever and both Andy and Joe act all gay with each other. Dallon and Brendon were out doing something with some friends.

My phone rings and I glance at it, my mom. It’s nine at night so I know it’s bad.

I answer it hesitantly, “Hi, Momma.” I notice Pete tense.

“Your aunt just called.” She says and my stomach twists, “Tell me what you think she said.”

“She took something that happened out of context, it’s nothing.” I lie. My hands are shaking and I now have Andy and Joe’s attention.

“Don’t you lie to me, Patrick Martin Stump.” She snaps.

“I’m not!” I insist.

“Pack your bags, your father and I are coming to get you tonight.” My mom says and I feel everything in me break.

“No! No, Momma, please no!” I start pleading, “I-... I’ll do anything, Momma! You can’t do that!” 

“It’s too late for that. You’re being sent to camp to correct what that place has done to you.” She snaps and I feel ill.

“No. I-... No.” I state, “I’m not going. No.” I insist.

“Pack your bags, now.” She growls, “We’re on our way.” And the phone clicks, signalling she’d hung up. Everybody’s eyes are on me, I could care less.

The tears I’d forced back started falling as I fumble from my bed and throw myself onto Pete who holds me without even asking. I’m shaking and sobbing so hard that I can’t breathe, I feel so sick that I could throw-up. Pete is rubbing my back and holding me so tight, I cling to him as if I let go that he would disappear.

“What’s going on?” Andy asks and I can’t bring myself to answer.

Pete leans in close to me, “Do you want me to tell them?” He hums. I hesitate but nod nonetheless, “Something happened while we were out today and now his mother is pissed off at him.”

I sit upright, “Not just pissed, Pete! Not  _ just pissed _ ! She’s coming to get me and send me to a conversation therapy camp!” I bawl and I hear Joe choke.

“You’re gay!?” He gasps.

“Yes, Joe! Of course I am!” I snap, burying my face in my hands as I choke and try to breathe again, “Why couldn’t I just be normal?” I cough into my hands. Pete sits up and pulls me into him, the bed dips and I feel Joe and Andy hug onto me.

“You are normal, Baby, there's nothing wrong with you.” Pete kisses my forehead.

“My parents are sending me to die, Pete! They’re taking me away from the only place that I feel like I belong! I can’t-... I can’t just…” I can’t get anything else out, just muffled sobs as I press my face into his chest, gripping onto his shirt.

“It’s okay, Baby, you don’t have to go… They can’t make you.” He persists.

“You don’t understand.” I choke.

“I know I don’t but you’re eighteen, you’re a legal adult.”

I shake my head, “You don’t get it.” 

“I’m sorry.”

***

Andy and Joe left us to have what small amount of time we had left together by ourselves. I’m laying with him and he’s stroking my hair. Pete starts kissing my face, covering every exposed piece of skin that he could.

“I need to leave my mark on you… I need you to be able to feel how much I love you everywhere, all the time.” He hums against my neck.

“I love you. I love you so much… I want you, I want to stay with you.” I whimper.

“Stay with me.”

“I can’t.” I cry just as my phone rings again. I answer with my heart broken, “Hi, Momma.”

“We’re waiting for you. Get out here.” She hangs up and I cry harder.

“I’ll walk you down there.” He says, “You can’t say no, I’m coming with you either way.” He insists as we both get off his bed. Pete grabs one of my bags and we walk to the parking area, hand in hand with our hearts dragging behind.

I can see my mothers car which is all the way across the lot. I lean against Pete and he kisses the side of my head. The secret’s already out, what’s the point in hiding it anymore? I let the tears fall freely, my legs getting heavier with each step. I swallow hard as my mother steps out of her car, Pete holds me tighter as he notices her.

“Patrick. Get in the car and stop fucking around. And for you Mr. Wentz. Let go of my son right now and do not contact him ever again.” She points at us, “Does your mother know the sin that you’ve done? Does she know what you did to my son?”

“Yeah, she actually loves me and accepts me and realizes that loving somebody isn’t a fucking choice and didn’t send me off to kill myself, she sent me somewhere for me to be able to live.” Pete snaps, not letting me go, “But you know, I would say have fun killing your child but I’m in love with him so I just can’t let you.”

“How dare you speak to me like that! This is  _ my  _ child and he wasn’t raised like this.” My mom growls.

“Yeah, you raised your kid to fucking hate himself! He fucking has breakdowns because of you! You taught him that he wasn’t fucking good enough just because he couldn’t love women!” Pete shouts, “Patrick fucking hates himself because you drilled it into his head that he’s no fucking good when he’s the only person that has ever fucking excepted me! He’s the only person that has ever been good enough for anything!”

“Shut your mouth! Your language is disgusting, just like you. You made my son think it’s okay to love the same sex!” She blames him.

“No, he taught me how to love because I was just the biggest slut on the face of the earth. I fucked any guy that was willing before I met him so you should be thanking him.” I chime in and Pete starts laughing pretty hard while my mother is stood mortified, “I’m not going with you. I’ll just find somewhere else to go after this summer. I just, I can’t live somewhere that I can’t be me, I’ve been too scared to be me but here I am, finally me and I’m finally happy. And if that means I’m with a man then so be it.”

My mother just stands there for a long time, pointing at me after a while, “Do not contact me for anything. You lost your chance, Patrick.” She gets back into her car.

Pete and I watch her leave before I throw my arms around him.

I kiss him like I never have before.

I didn’t know what I was going to do when the summer was over but right now that was the least of my worries.


End file.
